Vacation blues
“I have booked tickets for our vacation in August” J called to tell me, “Its from August 2nd to the 23rd and that means you can stay at your parent’s house for two or three days around the days of your father’s death anniversary.”
I seethe inside, I can feel the anger building up, but I say nothing. My husband takes more pleasure in denying me my little happiness than anything else in the world. I knew he had probably planned and sketched out the details and methods to ensure that I did not get time to spend with my people and my home. For him marriage meant I give up all by past life and move into his. Well it might have worked had I been married when I was two or three year old, but when you marry at the adult age of thirty one, your past is part of your life. Anyway I don’t ask him to forget his people, why would he expect me to forget mine. But all this is just academic. I put my head in the wolf’s mouth when I consented to marrying him and now after having a son, leaving is not an option, especially when I know he is good father. A bad husband surely but a good father. Arguing would have been fruitless, as I know from past experience. All I can do is wait for an opportunity to escape my burden or else hope that God in his greatness has other plans for me.
Anyway he comes home for lunch and I am so angry that I cannot bear to look at his face, he knows it but ignores it. By evening I am still angrier. Then at night when he sleeping his stomach starts acting up, flatulence and bloating and he wakes screaming from deep sleep, screaming that he was having a heart attack. I ignore him and go on pretending to sleep. He soon realizes it is only gas and goes off to the toilet. This has been a regular occurrence. He does something nasty and manipulative and his system acts up scaring him to death. Maybe this is his fate, a lifetime of fear of untimely death as a retribution for the mental torture he subjects me to.
For me each vacation in his house is hell, his sisters and mother are nasty ladies whose noses are permanently stuck in their brothers’ and their wives’ lives. The brothers’ don’t mind while we hate to have to see and deal with them everyday and night. They have totally henpecked weirdoes for husbands so they tag along too.
I seethe inside, I can feel the anger building up, but I say nothing. My husband takes more pleasure in denying me my little happiness than anything else in the world. I knew he had probably planned and sketched out the details and methods to ensure that I did not get time to spend with my people and my home. For him marriage meant I give up all by past life and move into his. Well it might have worked had I been married when I was two or three year old, but when you marry at the adult age of thirty one, your past is part of your life. Anyway I don’t ask him to forget his people, why would he expect me to forget mine. But all this is just academic. I put my head in the wolf’s mouth when I consented to marrying him and now after having a son, leaving is not an option, especially when I know he is good father. A bad husband surely but a good father. Arguing would have been fruitless, as I know from past experience. All I can do is wait for an opportunity to escape my burden or else hope that God in his greatness has other plans for me.
Anyway he comes home for lunch and I am so angry that I cannot bear to look at his face, he knows it but ignores it. By evening I am still angrier. Then at night when he sleeping his stomach starts acting up, flatulence and bloating and he wakes screaming from deep sleep, screaming that he was having a heart attack. I ignore him and go on pretending to sleep. He soon realizes it is only gas and goes off to the toilet. This has been a regular occurrence. He does something nasty and manipulative and his system acts up scaring him to death. Maybe this is his fate, a lifetime of fear of untimely death as a retribution for the mental torture he subjects me to.
For me each vacation in his house is hell, his sisters and mother are nasty ladies whose noses are permanently stuck in their brothers’ and their wives’ lives. The brothers’ don’t mind while we hate to have to see and deal with them everyday and night. They have totally henpecked weirdoes for husbands so they tag along too.
posted by Choomma at 8:11 AM
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