Thekke-vadakke
“I hate these stupid things you cook up. If you are making these for me, please don’t. Make beans thoran and I am happy.”
I seethe inside and think of the times I have made beans thoran, a dish that I personally hate and he eats a spoon of it and I end up with having to finish it rather than waste the whole thing.
Our tastes vary vastly in everything from food to personality, to clothes to the way we deal with people. If it hadn’t been for the arranged marriage system we have, we wouldn’t even have got married. And marriage in the Syrian Christian means stuck for life. We come from the same community of Syrian Christian but actually from two different cultures-the thekke and vadakke namely the north and south of Kerala. The people in the north prefer not to marry those from the south because the southerners are considered bossy, money oriented, miserly and basically everything bad. So we actually have a saying when looking for eligible boys and girls, “Don’t look to the south of Ernakulam (Ernakulathinne thekke nokenda)”
It is really not a problem because the southerners themselves prefer to marry among themselves. The problem is when a lone northerner like me ends up among all these southies, they are all interrelated, and I am the outsider. I am never good at anything, never good enough. The way I do things is wrong and my people are not good enough. The way I cook is wrong, the way I dress is absolutely wrong, talking and smiling and all else is just well wrong wrong wrong. I am all together wrong. All the achayans, ammachis, appachans and chachi peechi koochis get along well. Okay that is enough bile for a day.
As usual I ignore his comment and get on with it.
“We have an ifftar party in the office today.”
“Hmmm”
“We will go out after that to KM trading.”
“Why KM trading?”
“There is sale there and Zyriac and Reji wants to go.”
“Lulu also has a sale, why not go there?”
“Zyriac says KM Trading has better stuff.”
“Nonsense I prefer Lulu.”
Later at KM Trading Thom comes upon the Spiderman costume and picks it up and takes it to Appa. He is excited and wants to wear it.
“Wait till we pay for it.”
We pay the bills and Thom insists on carrying the purchase. It is heavy and he is dragging. I offer to carry it for him.
“But keep it with you, don’t put it in the boot of the car.”
“Can we go home now please, I want to try on the Spiderman dress.”?
At home he changes into Spiderman and tries to send out webs, then starts complaining,
”Why is no web coming out of my hands?”
I give him some explanation, he is not convinced.
The phone rings and it is my classmate Pran, ”We are coming to Dubai tomorrow, is it okay if we come to your house.”
“Of course, Please come. It will be great to see you after 20 years.”
“Would it be okay with your husband?”
“Sure.”
We are both stuck in UAE and won’t be able to attend the reunion party being planned for December and we are really upset about it. After 20 years all of us would love to go back and see how the others have done in life. See the children of old friends.
“Are you checking the mail,” I ask him. “They managed to contact Sree teacher.”
“ I haven’t checked the mail for sometime now. Well, Sree teacher and Thanku teacher were my backbone. They made me what I am today. They guided me in deciding on a professional career.”
Well, lucky you, I think. I really never had a good personal relation with any of the teachers. I was the only girl in the boarding in my class but even that did not help in forming a close relation. Besides the professional career he was talking about was more money related than guidance related. His father was rich and able to pay the capitation fee for professional course. All the guidance would have been useless without money.
Joe is still out with friends and will be back late. Thom and I retire to bed happy that next five days there is no school to worry about. The Id holidays are here.
I seethe inside and think of the times I have made beans thoran, a dish that I personally hate and he eats a spoon of it and I end up with having to finish it rather than waste the whole thing.
Our tastes vary vastly in everything from food to personality, to clothes to the way we deal with people. If it hadn’t been for the arranged marriage system we have, we wouldn’t even have got married. And marriage in the Syrian Christian means stuck for life. We come from the same community of Syrian Christian but actually from two different cultures-the thekke and vadakke namely the north and south of Kerala. The people in the north prefer not to marry those from the south because the southerners are considered bossy, money oriented, miserly and basically everything bad. So we actually have a saying when looking for eligible boys and girls, “Don’t look to the south of Ernakulam (Ernakulathinne thekke nokenda)”
It is really not a problem because the southerners themselves prefer to marry among themselves. The problem is when a lone northerner like me ends up among all these southies, they are all interrelated, and I am the outsider. I am never good at anything, never good enough. The way I do things is wrong and my people are not good enough. The way I cook is wrong, the way I dress is absolutely wrong, talking and smiling and all else is just well wrong wrong wrong. I am all together wrong. All the achayans, ammachis, appachans and chachi peechi koochis get along well. Okay that is enough bile for a day.
As usual I ignore his comment and get on with it.
“We have an ifftar party in the office today.”
“Hmmm”
“We will go out after that to KM trading.”
“Why KM trading?”
“There is sale there and Zyriac and Reji wants to go.”
“Lulu also has a sale, why not go there?”
“Zyriac says KM Trading has better stuff.”
“Nonsense I prefer Lulu.”
Later at KM Trading Thom comes upon the Spiderman costume and picks it up and takes it to Appa. He is excited and wants to wear it.
“Wait till we pay for it.”
We pay the bills and Thom insists on carrying the purchase. It is heavy and he is dragging. I offer to carry it for him.
“But keep it with you, don’t put it in the boot of the car.”
“Can we go home now please, I want to try on the Spiderman dress.”?
At home he changes into Spiderman and tries to send out webs, then starts complaining,
”Why is no web coming out of my hands?”
I give him some explanation, he is not convinced.
The phone rings and it is my classmate Pran, ”We are coming to Dubai tomorrow, is it okay if we come to your house.”
“Of course, Please come. It will be great to see you after 20 years.”
“Would it be okay with your husband?”
“Sure.”
We are both stuck in UAE and won’t be able to attend the reunion party being planned for December and we are really upset about it. After 20 years all of us would love to go back and see how the others have done in life. See the children of old friends.
“Are you checking the mail,” I ask him. “They managed to contact Sree teacher.”
“ I haven’t checked the mail for sometime now. Well, Sree teacher and Thanku teacher were my backbone. They made me what I am today. They guided me in deciding on a professional career.”
Well, lucky you, I think. I really never had a good personal relation with any of the teachers. I was the only girl in the boarding in my class but even that did not help in forming a close relation. Besides the professional career he was talking about was more money related than guidance related. His father was rich and able to pay the capitation fee for professional course. All the guidance would have been useless without money.
Joe is still out with friends and will be back late. Thom and I retire to bed happy that next five days there is no school to worry about. The Id holidays are here.
posted by Choomma at 2:21 PM
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