Mood swings
I am on one of my mood swing days. I have this on an average of 4 days a month. These mood swings are like pendulum, swing to the highest point, then to lowest. I go from days of “I have a wonderful life. I am just lucky to have all these wonderful chances which given my family’s financial background, I would never have had. These chances to make sure that everyone in my family had the chance to get out of the maddening cycle of poverty.” Then the good happy feeling goes dies down and is replaced with, “My life is hell. No one likes me. I might as well be dead.” It goes from a sort of Songs of Solomon to Ecclesiastes. Happy satisfied to what is the use, it has all been planned by him and we are just puppets in his hands.
The negative feeling s are worst when I hear of some friend or other acquaintance getting a good job, with good salary, excellent timings, everything great. Exactly the kind of job that I was looking for. I land all these beastly jobs with low salary and everyone else seems to be getting good ones. Or it is sometimes triggered by the incessant nagging and fault finding that Joe subjects me to.
It is some times as silly as
“What is the side dish with chapatti?”
“Chicken curry.”
“Does the curry have gravy?”
“Yes, a little.”
“Damn, why is it that your curries have no gravy? How can one eat chapatti without gravy?”
Or sometimes it is
“The house is never clean.”
I look around and see nothing wrong. I have just finished cleaning and there are few toys scattered around by Thom and he happens to be playing with them.
“I don’t know when you will learn. The house has to be clean all the time.”
I am silent.
“Neither you nor anyone in your family is clean. I have never seen an untidier family.”
This goes on for sometime and then stops.
When the bad mood sets in I am in a death wish mode. I was watching an episode of The Monk on TV and there is this scene where a lady opens a parcels that had just come in and the whole thing blows up killing her. I find myself thinking that is how I would like to go, Suddenly, without any pain.
The negative feeling s are worst when I hear of some friend or other acquaintance getting a good job, with good salary, excellent timings, everything great. Exactly the kind of job that I was looking for. I land all these beastly jobs with low salary and everyone else seems to be getting good ones. Or it is sometimes triggered by the incessant nagging and fault finding that Joe subjects me to.
It is some times as silly as
“What is the side dish with chapatti?”
“Chicken curry.”
“Does the curry have gravy?”
“Yes, a little.”
“Damn, why is it that your curries have no gravy? How can one eat chapatti without gravy?”
Or sometimes it is
“The house is never clean.”
I look around and see nothing wrong. I have just finished cleaning and there are few toys scattered around by Thom and he happens to be playing with them.
“I don’t know when you will learn. The house has to be clean all the time.”
I am silent.
“Neither you nor anyone in your family is clean. I have never seen an untidier family.”
This goes on for sometime and then stops.
When the bad mood sets in I am in a death wish mode. I was watching an episode of The Monk on TV and there is this scene where a lady opens a parcels that had just come in and the whole thing blows up killing her. I find myself thinking that is how I would like to go, Suddenly, without any pain.
posted by Choomma at 10:06 AM
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