Missing Appan

Usually when I buy something new, I try it out on myself then on my sisters’ and my father and mother, like a new cleanser on Appan and a new henna powder on amma. So when I bought my new BaByliss ionic ceramic 2X hair drier and staightner and liked it, my immediate thought was, “ Next vacation I am going to straighten my mother’s and sister’s hair.” I could se it in my mind, all of us sitting in the Kitchen around the table, appan in his chair, and amma at the stove, V sitting next to Chu on whose hair I was working. That is how we do everything. All of us around the table talking, discussing, fighting, solving problems, dreams, playing trying out new things. But that was all so long ago. As each of us got married and had families, our round table conferences slowly went away and now with appan no more among us and all of us never able to be present at the same time, all that has ended. Oh God! How I miss those days. But those were beautiful days and in my mind’s eye when I plan my next new topic to discuss, it is still the five of us, appan included. That image never changes. Sometimes I think, Appan’s presence is like that of God carved into those wall hangings one sees in houses.” GOD is the head of this family, the unseen listener at each conversation and the uninvited guest at all dinners.” Appan is a lot like that, after his passing, he seems to be present at all conversations and dinners.