The ExpatMallu

Not good so far

2010-06-09T15:59:00.002+04:00

Eld finally got a job, nearly one and a half years after he lost his job in Dubai. He is now in Bahrain. Chu is still in India and will be joining him only after an year. An year is long enough to check out how things are in the new place and she can continue to work till then. So that is good news. Though at present that seems to be the only good thing happening around. Vena sold off her land and the rest of us are left with an odd shaped plot that no one wants to buys. She fucked us off well. Now a huge debt and a penny less mother and an almost value less plot is left and no solution out of it.

Well, life is like that. Each wrong step teaches us some valueable lesson. Only with the number of mistakes we have made in life, my family ought to be the most educated in the world, in life lessons but we keep bungling again the next time around.

wishing me a happy new year

2010-01-04T11:41:00.002+04:00

A new year and time for new resolutions, only, I never make resolutions. Besides 2009 was one of the worst years i had, things kept going down hill everyday and it was really bad. the year started with Eld losing his job and then having to leave Dubai, the baby's operation was unsuccessful and had to be re-operated on. then Chu decided to leave after resigning her job and she returned to India in December. Vena's problems just kept growing and we have not been able to sell our land as yet. All in all a bad year. Hope this one turns out to be better and we get someone to buy our land and Chu settles back into a job and is able to force Eld off his ass and get a job. Hope Vena's problems end and I get peace of mind.

I hope 2010 is a ten out of ten year of us and all our troubles will be gone.

125 years of Indian national Congress

2009-12-28T21:32:00.003+04:00

Just listened to the speech by Sonia Gandhi at the 125th anniversary celebrations , sounded funny. Mahatma Gandhi got us freedom, Nehru build the country, Indira did something else and Rajiv took us to the 21st century. What were Sardar vallabhai Patel, lal bahadur Shastri and narasimha Rao doing? Or are they being erased from history books so that only the current Gandhis end up in history. I think even Mahatma Gandhi's name was mentioned because of his surname. Then again we need to be thankful for small mercies, priyanka's children were not mentioned.

Maybe we deserve this, after all we put up with them, vote for them and listen to their shit so if they make us eat shit then it is only our reward.

Made with Chocolate

2009-12-26T16:28:00.002+04:00

Unlike me, my six year old son is dark brown and he is forever comparing his colour to mine and his other fair skinned friends.

"Amma, remember Jamal in Slum Dog Millionaire, he was dark skinned like me when small but turned peach skinned when he became big, so I will also become peach coloured when I become big", he said. At times like this when he is always thinking up ways to hope for a fair skin later in life, I sit down and explain all about how skin colour does not matter and how your brains matter blah blah blah. This was getting me nowhere and then I told him the story of how dark skins are made.
You see God makes us out of mud and breathes life into us (the only kind he is familiar with is sand which is plenty in the desert). God makes people out of golden sand, which makes people fair skinned but some people he loves more than the others and when he makes them he adds chocolate to make them sweet and depending upon how much God loves each person, the quantity of chocolate added varies. The more He loves someone, the more chocolate He adds and the darker skinned the person is.

The only problem is when my son confidently repeats this story to everyone and the fair skinned children start crying and their mothers end up having to make up some other story to stop the crying. Then again all children including my son are always licking him to see if he really tastes sweet or like chocolate.

Being nice sucks

2009-12-17T11:57:00.002+04:00

When i had just joined AND Data in Pune, I started on a salary of Rs. 3500/- It was a small salary, almost like no salary in a city like Pune where everything is expensive. The vegetables are sold in units of "Pav" which is quarter kilos and usually cost as much as a kilo in other places. Anyway, I was too poor and had to get away from home and my family who were driving me mad. At AND Data, breakfast and lunch as provided by the company so my food problem was mostly taken care of and for dinner I would pretend that I was on a diet to lose weight. It worked or at least I think it worked, because no one commented on it. But i used to be so hungry then, so very hungry that I thought I was going mad. Then I found out that bread did not cost much and with a packet of cheese that I rationed at one slice a day, I managed to partly silence my empty stomach. During that time too my parents thought I ought to be sending money home and i did, every month around Rs. 1000/- after which I had nothing with me till salary came next month. I used a pay around Rs. 700 0r 800 as rent and remaining Rs. 300 was what was left for food. As weekends were holidays, I had to buy food then and I subsisted on a diet of rice and yogurt.

That was ten years back and even now my parents are waiting every month for the check to arrive which I youngest sister has been paying for the last 6 years. She will stop this month because she has lost her job and then what. How do people turn into leaches like this after a time I can't understand. All these years nearly twenty years now, one of us daughters have fed them, clothed them and taken care of their medical needs and now the excuse, theirs and the worlds, is that they are old and need to be taken care of. My mother is 64 now and father passed away a couple of years back at 64. So from the age of 44 and 47 they have depended on us to provide for them. And I am finally fed up with being the dutiful Indian child who takes care of people who just wants to bleed me dry.

Rain in dubai

2009-12-12T10:32:00.003+04:00

Yesterday it rained in Dubai and Sharjah. It certainly brought winter and hope the weather continues. I t is cool and nice outside and once the sky clears and the grey mood lifts, it will be great. i do not know if it is the rain and the grey weather or is it something Joe said, i am depressed. I was all sunny and bright and happy and then Joe went into his usual ,once in while, tirade against me, my family and the problems my side of the family keeps having and I was plunged into dark dark world.

Suddenly all positive thought and feeling goes out of the window, to be replaced by thoughts of hate and disgust for the man and his rich and well off relatives. I cannot help but think that he is without compassion of any kind for anyone other than his family ( that does not include me) and end up thinking of ways to get out of this relationship. Chu has resigned and hopes to get a transfer back home but Joe says we are dreaming, that it will never work out. But Chu is happy and that is good no matter what, because soon she will be back with her children and that is good no matter what, and things will work out, no matter what Joe hopes for. He just wants things to keep going wrong for us so that he can gloat and think that we are cursed. But lucky Joe is floundering too because, his brother sold of the factory vehicle and used the money to buy a car for his family. I am happy about that as the company car was bought with Joe's money and his brother and family just fucked him up , well serves him right for being just a pompous little asshole.

Winter winter!!!!!!!!

2009-12-08T17:57:00.002+04:00

First week of December has come and gone and winter even the mild kind is yet to come to UAE. My garden is doing great, this time I even have a sweet melon growing on the balcony but no winter yet. It is hot at noon and very very mildly cold in the morning. Anyway today a dust storm has been blowing from the morning, so we have our hopes up for the coming of winter. UAE climate change is heralded by a dust storm.

Is it really Global warming has its dreaded effects on UAE weather or is it a conspiracy by the Global warming supporters who are evidently faking all those research about Global warming. This latest is from a friend who is on Facebook and was my senior at University studying , horror of horrors, Environmental sciences. He is now a evangelist pastor and bad mouths all environmentalists and calls them phonies.

Malayalam heaven!!!!!!!!

2009-12-06T15:51:00.002+04:00

When i came to UAE after my marriage to Jo, I was not really sure of how things would turn out, especially when compared to life in Libya and then all those years in India. Gulf was always a little different, more labor class than educated or polished in a malayalee mind. But things changed for me in no time. I saw the supermarkets, the fruits we used to consume in abundance in Libya and life style and i knew I was home. I knew I didn't want to go back ever again except for the annual vacations. This was the life I preferred to the one in kerala with all the meddling relatives. Life was good and moving to Dubai just made it better. It was easy to identify with and become part of Dubai. The city was cosmopolitan in every way imaginable and in more ways than one more mallu than kerala. In kerala the young and the restless speak English and act as if they cannot speak Malayalam, but here go into any shop or mall or hyper market and talk in Malayalam and 9 times out of ten even the Filipinos know enough Malayalam to reply. this is Malayalam heaven!!!!!!!! I usually don't even bother to look to see if the salesman looks maalu, i just launch into Malayalam and only if I see him fumbling do I bother to talk in English.

We don't molest children

2009-12-05T11:50:00.002+04:00

Saw an interesting report in gulf News about how parents should be careful about child abuse The report quotes an official as saying that though child moletation is alien to our ie UAE culture, we need to be careful about it and of course be vary of impolite, dirty looking strangers etc etc etc. Well, all i can say is, the man is confused. Child molestation is not alien to any culture, may be unknown because no one reports it and it is a well hidden secret but surely unless you are aliens from another galaxy, it i very real. the more it is denied, the bigger the problem is. Children need to be protected not from filthy dirty looking strangers but from friendly looking loving grand papas and sweet uncles who are eager to baby sit and so on. That is the message that needs to be put out. Most children are abused by people they and their parents trust and so are often too scared to complain against. If we are serious about tackling the problem we need to face the fact rather than hide behind myths like we don't do it, only bachelors deprived of sex for a long time in labor accommodations do it. It is a disease of the mind and like all other psychiatric problems is not confined to any particular culture or group but is universal.

Booýa Moon

2009-12-03T13:41:00.002+04:00

I finished reading Lisey's story by Stephen King. I thought the beginning slow but soon it was racing ahead full speed pulling me in, I read it through the night and loved it. Boo'ya moon, ah dream land, fantasy land, does every one have one? I think i have one too, I dreamed about it twice, nay visited twice. Mine is a land full of flowers, breathtaking fragrant flowers and it is so close to amma's tharavad. Each time I saw it, i knew how to get there but the moment I opened my eyes I forget the way there, I only remembered being there, and the feeling that if I take the right turn I would there and then would spend the entire day searching but have still not found the way there at least not when i am awake.

The thing is i ususally forgrt all my dreams a few hours after i wake up, but this is one dream or reality i cannot seem to get out of my mind. i hadn't had this dream in a long time but the moment I read about boo 'ya moon I knew what it was.

Pazhassi raja

2009-11-30T09:26:00.005+04:00

We saw Pazhassi Raja on Friday and really enjoyed it. The three and a half hours flew by without our noticing it at all. The movie followed Pazhassi Raja's last years faithfully. The sound mixing by Resul Pookuty is awesome. At some points especially during the rain sequences I had the feeling of being drenched in the torrential rain and most of us had this feel of 'Oh Cheenja Mazha' . The acting was excellent with each actor outdoing the other. The foreigners were not up to mark and I found their costumes too ill fitting and loose. Is that how those coats are worn by men then? Or is it because the Indian weather took a toll on their health what with malaria and all and made them lose weight. I don't think British ladies wore their hair loose in 1796, it was piled up in elaborate styles. Though I am sure MT and Hariharan had done diligent research before the movie, the costumes of the British were badly cut and more college drama standard than epic class especially for a movie with this big a budget.

VLCC ripoff

2009-11-25T11:11:00.002+04:00

Anti-Obesity day is around the corner and all fitness outlets have promotions on. A good money spinning business if any. So this outfit called VLCC advertises an offer of free consultation and a couple of us go over to get a free consultation. We reach the place, knowing well enough that we were fat nay obese and we need help, great, but we also knew this was major time, too expensive rip off. The other friends we talked to, some said it works and others that it was a waste of time. So off we go and get the consultation and after nearly an hour of telling us that we were too fat, they informed us that the free consultation actually cost AED 50.00/-. Okay that was just not right, when you advertise free consultation, it should be free or we should be informed before the consultation that there is a fee if we do not take the package they intend to hoist on us. Well AED 50.00/- is a lot of money especially when you think that it could buy me 10 good paperbacks at Magrudy's warehouse sale, or a nice breakfast of uthappams and idlis and vadas and dosas from Venus restaurant or a nice little shopping at LuLu Hypermarket or got me a threading and waxing at a beauty salon. Damn, I had to spend AED 50.00/- to listen to fat lady tell me, I am fat and worse it was a free consultation. I am pissed off and very angry. The least they could do was have slim and toned looking ladies do the consultations, The weight and fitness consultant was fat and totally untoned and the beauty consultant had more open pores and dull skin than a 90 year old and her hair looked like shit and unwashed and she looks at me and tells me I am fat and that my skin care regimen is not right. Well ma'am , go look in a mirror.

Because we can

2009-11-23T23:27:00.002+04:00

I am now reading Lisey's Story by Stephen King. He writes real neat stories sure but I think what I really love about his stories is the way he gives an insiders view into people, communities, small towns etc. While in "Salem's Lot" and I think the "The Mist" he showed how small towns, where supposedly everyone knows everyone and there is greater neighborly relationships than in cities, things go wrong because the people there are really too small minded and inward looking than in large towns or cities where people have greater exposure to life. Anyway in this book that I AM READING there is this line

"In both the fading grin and growing hurt in his eyes she saw how he loved her, and knew this increased her power to hurt him. Still, she would cut. And why? Because she could"

Are we all not like that? Why do we strike the child when we are angry and not the husband when we are angry with him, because we can, with the child and we cannot, with the husband. One is weak and other strong. No matter what we think of ourselves, we are not much better than beasts and bullies because we use our power and strength against those weaker than us but will bow and scrape before those stronger than us.

Dreamy boy

2009-11-22T23:04:00.002+04:00

Jo's friend's young son started blogging and his first blog is very good. He had wanted to do journalism after high school but parental pressure and the fact that his father is an engineer forced him to do the same. Though he was never happy with the choice, he scraped through and is now a certified mechanical engineer with a job. But it is good to know that he has not given up on his first love, writing. And he writes quite well too.

Thom day dreams a lot, even his teacher calls him dreamy boy in class but he is only six and i do not if that is normal. I used to do it too, but started around the age of ten when the abuse started and for me it was an escape to a safe and secure world. But why is this boy dreaming so much, sometimes it is scary because as you day dream, you tend to pay less and less attention to the world around and just exist in this dream world most of the time. Today he brought home a blank Arabic notebook and I only came to know that work was done in Arabic class because his friend's mother called to ask me about a word her daughter had got wrong. My son, meanwhile has no reason for his not doing the work and what in God's name was he doing, when the rest of the class was writing and what about his teacher. I feel so angry and frustrated about all this.

husband trouble

2009-11-18T16:40:00.003+04:00

I feel depression setting in. Chu is giving her resignation today and she was very upset, she called and cried her heart out. I am upset too and Am crying, I can't seem to stop. everything was so good three years back that is till her marriage and then things started going down hill. Both vena and chu has had bad luck with their hubbys. Vena's wouldn't go to work and by the time she was pregnant with Apps he lost his job and overstayed his visa and had to be repatriated by the government when UAE offered amnesity. But as she did not have a job, getting her out of the country before all the hell broke out was the priority.

But with chu, things are different. She has a job and a good one at that. But her bastard hubby lost his and is in india with the twins. the babies are just one year old and needs good care which her in laws are providing. But she does not trust them and her lazy hubby just lies around the house, without making any effort to find a job. All this has ended up in her having to resign to put things straight but she loves her job. I hope some miracle takes place. and everything works out for her.

getting married is a real mess, especially in a country like India where getting out of a marriage is difficult and messy, even when you know it was a mistake. While people in more liberalised societies take divorce for granted, and sometimes misuse it, for people like my sisters trapped in bad marriages, if getting out were possible it would have been the biggest blessing of all. now instead of divorce we hope and pray that these bad eggs drop dead and leave us in peace.

I suppose in a country like india with its tabboos and cultural sensitivities, a lot of women pray god to take up their better halves to his heavenly abode.

money, money ,money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-17T09:13:00.002+04:00

Inspite of all the reading and researching and watching the Secret books and movies and of course the napoean hill and wattles and the master key and so on and so forth, I still can feel my stomach churn when i get a phone call from my sisters or mother or for that matter from anyone at home. I, like my father, live in constant dread of the next bad news that inevetably comes from my home. It is as if it is a curse, with no way to escape, you pick up the phone and it is bound to be bad news. But I am trying hard to attract the positive vibes to me, things will turn around and they usually do too but it always needs patience to see us through this hell. Cho is resigning as her son needs another operation and so she is returning to India.

Money is really the only problem and if I had two million dollars now, all my problems would be over but where do I get the twoo million.

Congress freaks

2009-11-11T13:59:00.002+04:00

I was just going through the Indian Express opinions to see how people reacted to Congress wins in kerala. 99 % of those who commented think the result sucks and that only the manipulations of the election commision (Chawla) and the electronic voting machines helped them win. i added my voice to it too. italian are bad mouthed, as is corruption. It is as if i am back at the university.

Before marrying into a congress family, I used to wonder what type of people, congress supporters must be? I always thought of them as corrupt, rich people who invariably made money from kickbacks, as people who hated poor or socially disadvantaged groups, intolerant and almost anything bad imaginable. But they turned out to not so bad, just more tolerant of corruption than us. Of course most of them are rich and they have no problems breaking any rules. but still they are humans just like us not the little sick freaks I imagined them to be.

Abdullakutty and the donkeys

2009-11-10T10:24:00.003+04:00

People are strange, they voted for Abdullakutty and made him their representative in the kerala state Assembly. This same Abdullakutty was a few months back in the CPM party and now he is Congress ans yet the people had no problem. It just goes onto show that the public is donkey, with absolutely no discerning power of its own. A person like that with no morals is dangerous, after all he cares for nothing but power and power alone and if tomorrow he disowns his father for being too inconvenient for his rise to power, that would be no surprise too. I for one am ashamed for the people of Kannur and electing someone like him, Even BJP would have been better than this.

2009-11-08T10:20:00.002+04:00

I am happy and grateful for having this lovely beautician come in the morning, do a pedicure and manicure, then a facial and a scrub and also washing and setting up my hair and also for the make up she does. Life is good, the garden is in full bloom, winter is setting in and christmas is around the corner.

Law of Attraction

2009-11-05T09:52:00.003+04:00

I am very happy today because I have peace of mind, happiness and a great family. I see happy faces around me and people around me are rich and happy and satisfied with their lives. I have 200 million Euros in my bank account, and a beautiful 12 bedroom house on 10 acres of land. The house is set on a small hill in a garden of flowers and lovely green grassy lawn of one acre. On one end of the lawn, the land overlooks acres and acres of paddy fields. The cool breeze from the paddy fields and crisp green of the paddy are intoxicating. Beautiful shade trees giving of sweet fragrance from their flowers are scattered on the lawn. Benches and chairs are placed on the lawn under the tree, so that we can relax in the shade of the tree. The children are playing on the grass, sometimes swimming in the clear waters of the pool, climbing the fruit laden trees. J loves this beautiful house and spends a lot of time here now. Amma stays here and Vena looks after the land. The paddy fields bordering the lawns, nearly 50 acres of it are mine. Life is good. Vena has money now and her problems are all over, the children are happy and her husband is a changed man. Chu is also happy, She has enough money so she had returned home and are with her children and her husband is working in a well paid job. the children are doing well. Amma is happy again. Our land at Allapra has been donated to the church and there is a new St. Antony's church coming up there. Bcha is happy, as his daughter has been married off to a good boy. I took care of the expenses. Life is good and will continue like this for ever and ever.

Good Week

2009-11-04T09:17:00.003+04:00

I upgraded my dial up to broadband and am still excited by how fast Internet is right now. So now most of the time I am online, surfing, playing, researching. I am in web heaven right now. Last week the visit to magrudy's warehouse sale in jumeira was another high point. There were books, books and more books. The paperbacks selling for AED 5/-, I bought a mountain of paperbacks and now am stocked up with books for a whole year or till the next warehouse sale comes along. Right now life is good, though J has some problems at work and the land problem festers on life is good. I AM REALLY waiting for AED 600,000/- which is on its way to me, for the land problem to end and am now into the "Law of Attraction"attracting all that good vibes to me along with some money.

2009-11-03T15:28:00.002+04:00

It is 3.30 pm and after a starchy rice lunch, I am feeling sleepy, all i want to do is sleep but Thom has to be helped with his homework and then send off to play with his friends. If I don't get that out of the way I will soon have a lot of five and six year olds banging at my door, asking me to let Thom out. As if I am the evil witch who has locked Thom, making him do his homework, when he should be out playing, God knows, what with his friends.

he didnot go to school today as we had to go for the emirates ID. It just took 10 or 1 minutes and staff were all friendly and sweet but still we let him stay at home.

mothers and daughters

2009-11-02T15:47:00.003+04:00

I love my mother to distraction but i hate her as much. Why i love my mother, I do not know but the reasons for hating her are easy to list. Yet, even in the reasons to hate, I love her a lot. How this works I do not know. The smallest thing she does makes me want to shout at her but no matter what she does I love her. Now with all the problems related to our land and the mess surrounding it, I nearly always end up shouting at her the moment she answers my phone call. She listens to it, and then when I am finished shouting and bangs the phone down, disconnecting the call, the call ends. The next time I call she behaves as if nothing happened. I know she is as helpless as I am but somehow she turns into the villain each time this land problem comes up.

Do all mother's and daughter's always have this love hate relationship.

My V Chachan

2009-09-19T14:12:00.003+04:00

V my eldest uncle had a stroke, his right side is paralysed and he is unable to speak. Now they are doing pysiotherapy to see if he will recover. V in our youth was the strictest uncle, always grim and looking for ways to punish us for mistakes, we often didnot commit. He wasn't liked much by any of us. But as we grew older and as he grew older, he turned mellow, almost into a gentle soul. We saw that beneath that rough exterior, he was a soft squiggy guy, someone with lots of love to give. Maybe it was us who had changed. In our youth, we feared him and failed to see the love he had for us but now that we have no fear of him, it seems easier to see the real him.
We his neices and nephews love him or is it just me, but his family pretty much hates him. Sad that, he lived for his family ignoring everyone else and now when he needs his family, he is just a nuisence to them and the brothers and sisters and their families that ignores are the only ones to care for him.

Twitter, Shashi Tharoor and Cattle Class

2009-09-18T22:45:00.001+04:00

Twitter, Shashi Tharoor and Cattle Class

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Ricky

2009-04-07T09:48:00.003+04:00

When the telephone rang early in the morning and the voice on the other side said Ricky had passed away, it didnot register. I was too groggy with sleep and Ricky was too young to die, We had seen him on our last vacation, he often came to our house, his children came home, his wife was a regular at home, beside he was a young healthy man and young men do not die of cardiac arrests.
Ricky was the young turk of the Angady, with a nack of rubbing everyone on the wrong side. He has an opposing opinion to every one's opinion. This trait landed him in trouble when he tried to sell his land and the Angady went to work against him, saying he had included church property in his own land. Of course the land was measured and the Angady was proved wrong.But the sale fell through and his financial problem already high just hit the ceiling.
Now everyone wonders why did he not see a cardiologist when he knew he had heart problems? Now everyone wonders, was it because of his financial problems?
Of now everyone wonders, did we cause his death, make his wife a widow and his children orphans?
Creating obstacles and letting petty differences get in the way of friendships is so easy, then things go wrong and everyone is left wondering did we wrong him?

Obama President

2009-01-22T10:57:00.003+04:00

A new era has begun, unlike any we have known. Barack Obama took oath as the 44th President of United States of America watched by millions around the world and the world suddenly looks a better, a rosier place than before. Maybe all this optimism is misplaced, maybe no man, no matter how good intentioned, can bring that much change but everywhere there seems to be hope of better things to come. As if this is the second coming of Christ. And the miracle is that he is not lily white but of a darker shade, this prophet of change.
All of us sat clued to the TV sets, watching everything not missing anything and praying that all goes well for this man who promises to bring goodness back to the world. A lot of my friends said they hoped the helicopter carrying Bush towards Texas would crash, and I have to admit I hoped for the same too but then caught myself just in time as I did not want anything not even the happy event of Bush’s death to deflect attention from Obama’s day.
The world is still in ecstasy and I hope and pray this honeymoon continues for ever and Obama is able to uphold all this hope we have in him.

The images added here are from various websites around the world.

Location, Location, Location

2009-01-08T11:14:00.000+04:00

We have started our weight loss exercises, at least that is the intention each time we start going to the gym or start walking. But two days into the start, my periods started and we have put walking on hold and then Ji’s will start and together biological factors will take stop us from continuing the walks for at least two weeks, unless of course we manage to have periods at the same time, which again is difficult as I get mine every 28 days and Ji gets her’s every 45 days.

Any way the recession continues and every one is scared. Each day we hear about someone or a lot of someones who have been terminated or of business coming down or some sort of panic inducing news. Yesterday Satyam computers delivered a shocker. But life goes on. If not this then something else will turn out so we sit here hoping for the best.

My tomato plants have all flowered and so I am waiting for the fruits to form.

Meanwhile the Gaza carnage goes on, with its huge human toll, papers splashed with pictures of children, dead and wounded. We see them and we see our children protected and loved, safe in bed at night, lights kept switched on so that little sounds don’t scare them in the night. Then we realize how lucky we are here, Secure and safe, away from wars and bloodshed.

Broken mirror

2009-01-01T15:23:00.000+04:00

Breaking a mirror is considered bad luck in Kerala. When my maternal grandfather broke a mirror everyone was worried and a few months latter he passed away at the age of 64. From then on the belief has strengthened among us about the bad luck a broken mirror brings.
So yesterday when I called home to wish amma A very happy and prosperous new year, just like the one we had just had and she told me she needed a new concave-convex mirror as she accidentally dropped the one she had been using for the last 22 years, well, from then on my mind is not at ease. I have a bad feeling, but maybe it is all just superstition, as if mirrors don’t get broken all around the world all the time. I just hope and pray that this year turns out to be as peaceful and happy as the last.

Going over year 2008

2008-12-31T12:40:00.000+04:00

Another year is ending. Tomorrow is Appan’s birthday; he would have been 68 this year.

This year has been good, without any great problems on the personal and family front.
Ø J has mellowed, he does not scream as much so I am happier. He has become to realize that his sisters’ are normal human beings and not paragons of virtue, goodness and everything good in the world.
Ø Chu had twins and San my cousin had a daughter.
Ø Sob and Rig another two cousins got married.
Ø Our property case got solved and finally the land will come back to us.
Ø No major death took place in the family. So it has been a very good year in every way.

The last few years not having been good, I was worried about this year also but it turned out fine. Hope the next year continues this streak of goodness and life goes on happy and satisfied.
Ø Thom will be six next year and in Grade I.
Ø I hope I get a job that had good pay and great timings.

Not so great events also took place this year.
The Mumbai terrorist attack, the current bombing in Gaza, the mowing down of school children in Kannur district Kerala by a vehicle that lost control, the regular and unwarranted warnings that V.S Achuthanandan keeps getting from his corrupt party members and a blind Politburo.
Then again great miracles and acts of defiance also took place this year.
Obama got elected as president of United States of America and an Iraqi journalist threw a shoe at George Bush, a fitting end to an year, I am just upset that the shoe missed its mark

Messy December

2008-12-22T12:33:00.000+04:00

December has been a bad month, it has been so for a long time now, always a time of change, uncertainty, problems created by my part of the family, a truly messy time of year for me.
In 2005, I was terminated from my job on Dec 22. I was very upset and sat and then came the news of J’s transfer to Hong Kong as country head. He did not want to go and I did not know what to do. Internet searches did not throw up a good picture, at least not when compared to Dubai. We were sick with worry It was terrible. Then January came and things just worked out.
In 2006, We moved into our new house, that too soon after the biggest fight we had, a fight that I thought would end my marriage, but again it all just vaporized as the year ended and another began.
In 2007 came J’s transfer to another branch and his fear of taking up the post. He kept talking of going back to India and all arguments just fell on deaf ears. I went into depression and things went downhill for us. Things just kept turning bleaker and bleaker and then he joined the new branch and came back happy and smiling. This was on January 1st 2008.
As this year ends, things have again heated up. J is being moved to another post in the head office and he is not pleased. Things are scary especially with the downturn in economy. Then as this tension is on another one crops up. Ed, Chu’s hubby has got himself entangled in some mess. A driver of the private taxi that they usually use called me up one day and said Ed had borrowed money from him and is now not returning calls, not meeting him, just avoiding him at all times. I called up Chu and told her of this and also that I do not want to be involved in this and do not want J to find out about this. The driver guy has this habit of calling up in the wee hours of the morning and then coming to our building and calling from the reception. Well now everyone from the reception to the security guard knows about it and I have no idea how I am going to keep this from J. I thought it was over, then this guy calls me up again today and all the mess is on again. I was livid, after J left for office I called up Chu and screamed through the phone, called her hubby a bastard, sick good for nothing, told her maybe he is seeing some woman or maybe he has lost his job, called him a mother fucker and then that if this did not get cleared up I was going to call him and tell the same thing. I don’t if it worked, any way she said a solution to this would be reached today in front of a mediator. Hope something works out and J does not have to be told.

Holiday in Goa

2008-12-21T19:53:00.001+04:00

Today I watched the movie ‘Outsourcing” and liked it. Looking at India from the perspective of an American, it does a good job. An interesting part of the movie is the relationship between the Indian Future Assistant Manager and the American and she tells him “he is her holiday in Goa”. For her he is her one chance to escape, even if only for a few months, from the detailed plans laid out before her for her future by her family. This is a real scenario in India now, girls having sexual affairs with someone they like and would love to have a life with, then quietly giving it all up to fall in line with their parents wishes, marrying someone from their caste, religion, community and background, knowing fully well they will never again know the fun and excitement of their previous life.
I wonder if the men know of these things and do they still come to the marriage bed thinking their wives’ are virgins. Surely they know. A lot of women in India still know only one man, their husband sexually, but that is changing and what is more, the guilt that used to be associated with premarital sex among women is almost totally gone. Well, men always had some sort of experience with premarital sex and that was accepted but it is still a taboo for women at least officially.

Passing on ....Annie Chechi

2008-12-18T13:23:00.000+04:00

Annie-echi’s garden was big and no one was allowed in. She was a big lady and no one would have dared cross her and pluck anything from her garden, i.e. all except me. Each time we had projects in grade requiring us to bring flowers to class, I turned to her. She would let me pluck anything I wanted and invariably I always plucked the long red Cat’s tail flowers that were plenty in her garden. That is my earliest memory of her. This big fair beautiful and sweet woman, who gave us, pickled ambazhanga, whose house was like our own when we went each year during the church feast of St. Sebastian, “The Ambu Perunal” at Pudukad. Everyone was welcome in her house, the table was laden with all kinds of food and I always had the feeling that even if some stranger just walked in and sat down at the table no one would have known. The fireworks at her house were the largest in the angady especially when the procession reached her gate. There was always a huge cage of lovebird in her car porch. She had five sons and she was always willing to exchange one them for one of us.
This year during august when I paid her a visit, she gave me cuttings of Euphorbia Splendens and they are doing great on my balcony. When I saw her she was the same, huge beautiful and as loving and last Saturday on the 13th of Dec, she passed away. She had liver cirrhosis and it had been undiagnosed. She is no more and with her one more of threads that bind us to Pudukad breaks.

Missing Appan

2008-12-14T14:02:00.000+04:00

Usually when I buy something new, I try it out on myself then on my sisters’ and my father and mother, like a new cleanser on Appan and a new henna powder on amma. So when I bought my new BaByliss ionic ceramic 2X hair drier and staightner and liked it, my immediate thought was, “ Next vacation I am going to straighten my mother’s and sister’s hair.” I could se it in my mind, all of us sitting in the Kitchen around the table, appan in his chair, and amma at the stove, V sitting next to Chu on whose hair I was working. That is how we do everything. All of us around the table talking, discussing, fighting, solving problems, dreams, playing trying out new things. But that was all so long ago. As each of us got married and had families, our round table conferences slowly went away and now with appan no more among us and all of us never able to be present at the same time, all that has ended. Oh God! How I miss those days. But those were beautiful days and in my mind’s eye when I plan my next new topic to discuss, it is still the five of us, appan included. That image never changes. Sometimes I think, Appan’s presence is like that of God carved into those wall hangings one sees in houses.” GOD is the head of this family, the unseen listener at each conversation and the uninvited guest at all dinners.” Appan is a lot like that, after his passing, he seems to be present at all conversations and dinners.

Flowering season

2008-12-13T10:33:00.000+04:00

The asparagus beans have a lot of beans on them now. Since they are self pollinating, there is little work once the flowers start opening. I planted very few this year, as this was a trial run so this year’s pods will all be dried for seeds for next year’s crop.
I think this year also I planted tomatoes wrong. I must have planted them late, as it is already tomato season here and my plants are still small seedlings, not full grown. I think they should have been planted at least in the first week of august.
The globe amaranths are all flowering. They are summer plants in Kerala, sturdy and drought resistant in the heat, but here they are winter plants. Maybe it is because the intensity of light they receive in the summer here is very very high compared to tree filled shady Kerala. And the winter sun, weak light and shorter days seem to have triggered flowering. Well it just taught me to let the plants to be in summer. Give enough water and keep them from dying and they will do well in winter.

School tragedy

2008-12-06T13:28:00.001+04:00

Last week terrible things happened, as did many wonderful things.

Nine school children aged six and seven were mowed down by a four-wheeler whose driver had dozed off behind the wheels in Kannur. One boy and eight girls were with another group of children returning home after class when this tragedy happened. As the news started breaking in the afternoon entire Kerala went into shock, TV channels interrupted programs and took viewers live to Kannur.

Then after eleven years our property case has been settled. Soon the deed papers will be returned and all our troubles are over.

I bought a BaByliss hair dryer cum straightner, Beliss ionic ceramic 2000W. I was really a little worried about whether it would give the required result. Well It is great and does a good job. My hair, wavy and curly at the end now looks poker straight and all in just 30 minutes. The hair drier is also very powerful. So I am pleased. May be if I had taken a lottery this week…..

Thankamma Paulose, our biology teacher

2008-12-04T09:56:00.003+04:00

തങ്കമ്മ പൗലോസ്‌

െപരുമ്പാവൂര് ഗവ. േഗള്സ് െെഹയ്സകൂള്കന്ഡറി സ്കൂള് റിട്ട. അധ്യാപിക വട്ടയ്ക്കാട്ടുപടി കിടങ്ങേടത്ത്‌ തേമ്പ്രാ (തോട്ടുങ്കല്‍) തങ്കമ്മ പൗലോസ്‌ (84) അന്തരിച്ചു. അവിവാഹിതയാണ്‌. ശവസംസ്‌കാരം വ്യാഴാഴ്‌ച രാവിലെ 10ന്‌ പെരുമ്പാവൂര്‍ ബഥേല്‍ സുലോക്കൊ യാക്കോബായ സുറിയാനി കത്തീഡ്രല്‍ സെമിത്തേരിയില്‍.

The above obituary of our biology teacher is from Mathrubhumi online. I am really not sure if the spelings are right, as I cannot read malayalam well. Any way what it says is Ms.Thankamma Paulose retired bilogy teacher from Govt girls high school Perumbavoor and St.Peter's EMHS, Kadayiruppu Kolenchery passed away last night at her brother’s residence at Vattakkattupady. She belonged to the Thombra family Thottumgal branch. The funeral rites will be held on Friday at 10 AM at the home and then body taken to the Jacobite cathedral church at Perumbavoor.

Thankamma teacher was a good teacher, very strict and scary. She was also our boarding warden. I have many times got into her bad books, as breaking rules came naturally to me. As we were related on my mothers side, she was stricter with us than the others. May God bless her.

Death and the farce

2008-12-03T10:35:00.003+04:00

Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan died in the line of duty. He died fighting for his country. He died fighting against terrorists’ who had attacked Mumbai. He died trying to save a colleague. He died a hero.
Then his death was turned into a circus, a farce and a joke that divided people along party lines. His supreme sacrifice was forgotten, all every one remembers now is his screaming father screaming at the Chief Minister of Kerala, telling him to “Get out, Get out of my house.” The father preferred to score points before he had even laid his son to rest. He looked for news op when he should have been grieving. Or maybe he had listened to too much of divisive talk from nosy silly people and media who were looking to score points from this unfortunate death.
The Chief Minister V.S Achuthananthan was wrong to make the “Dog” comment he made but he was pushed to do so by relentless bullying by the media, especially biased congress mouthpieces by Manorama. He was also shaken by the harsh and rude behavior of Mr. Unnikrishnan. Would Mr. Unnikrishnan have reacted the same way if Sonia Gandhi had come to visit him a day after the funeral? Of course she has not visited yet. So it was, probably, not the timing of the visit that was the problem, it was the media opinions that he had been reading that led to the mess.
Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan never thought of the honor he would get, never about the visits he would be paid by dignitaries at his funeral. He just did what he thought was his duty and the rest of was turned his death into a spectacle.

Yesterday I watched the movie The Queen. The reviews that I remember of the movie talked about Elizabeth I coming across as a great monarch and PM Blair as a wimp. I thought the opposite was true. Blair actually seemed to been able to drum some sense into cold and frivolous lives led by the royals. Through out the movie the queen talks about her duty to her country and all the duty we see her doing is her and her silly pompous consort hunting down stags in Scotland. “Do you think I will leave my grandsons who have just lost their mother, and come down to London, because….?” was a question she asked, but throughout the movie we don’t get to see her comforting or even talking to the two boys at all. All we see is her hunting and more hunting and more hunting. Well they really work hard at that. Cherie Blair came out as a strong willed woman and republican at that.

Flowers at last

2008-12-01T10:23:00.003+04:00

I was thinking of pulling up my Butterfly pea (Clitoria ternatea) plant, when it started flowering. Now there is a profusion of beautiful blue flowers regular ly. In Malayalam it is called Shankupushpam, I think because it shaped like a shankh (Counch). There are pretty pictures of the flower on www.treknature.com

The Asparagus beans, we know as achinga payaru also is flowering. The scientific name is Vigna unguiculata sesquipedalis. So all these seem to be winter plants as far as Dubai is considered. Pictures can be seen at www.henriettesherbal.com
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yardlong_bean
So this year if the pollination takes place properly, I will be able to have my own garden fresh achinga payaru mazhukupuratti.

V.P Singh, The Prime Minister

2008-11-30T09:55:00.009+04:00

Amidst the terrorist attack on Mumbai and the death and destruction, former Prime Minister V.P Singh's passing away was a small news item, mostly ignored by the media. But the legacy and the change he brought about in Indian politics are trully historic.

After decades and decades of corrupt family dominated politics and the failure of the first non- congress government to complete their term, the people of India had lost hope of ever being able to

break free from the strangle hold of the Gandhi family. Even the boyish and silly governing style of Rajiv Gandhi was being put up by the people who saw no other option before them.

Then V.P Singh happened. His fight to bring into pubic view the corruption in the government, the bofors kickbacks helped galvanise the masses reeling under a government whose Prime Minister spend more time on luxurious vacation with his Italian in-laws than on actual governing. The elections in 1989 brought down the "Hamme Dekhna Hai, Hum Dekhage" Rajiv Gandhi and forever ensured that Congress would never again be able to rule India
alone. It also broke the strangle hold the Gandhi family had on Indian masses. Though V. P Singh was unable to complete his term, after his rule and Rajiv Gandhi's asassination, Narasimha Rao became PM by a small majority inspite of the so called sympathy votes, the assasination brought. If the asassination had not taken place no one would have got a majority that year.

Narasimha Rao changed India, openned up India and we started on the path to progress. BJP came to power later and everyone loved Vajpayee. India was trully free this time. Now even baby faced playboy Rahul Gandhi is unable to create any ripples in Indian politics. For all this
we have V.P Singh to thank.

May God Bless him and Long live his illustrous name.

The week

2008-11-27T11:12:00.003+04:00

The economic downturn has hit Dubai hard if rumours are to be believed. Every day one hears a new rumour and as most of these come without any real proof and clarification, everyone hopes these are just that, Rumours and idle gossip.The lastest is that 30% of Emirates Airlines have been sold to Ethihad Airlines. If it is true it is shocking, but one can hardly believe it as the third terminal built only for emirates has just openned and surely all of us somehow trust in the immense capabilities of Sheikh Mohammed to create and deliver miracles even in the most difficult of times.
Another rumour I heard was that nearly 200 employees of a big MNC oil company were terminated. All the terminated staff were in the senior posts and they found pink slips on the desks when they arrived in the morning. All of them were told to leave in one hour, a lot of them went into shock and were screaming refusing to leave and were escorted out by security staff of the company. This is true because the person who informed me works in the company and was fortunate enough not to be terminated.
Then this week we watched the movie "Twenty 20", the tickets had to be booked one week in advance, due to rush and the late show was also housefull. The movie had a good plot, but I think the main attraction was to see, how they had done the casting as all big stars incliding superstars Mammootty and Mohanlal were acting in the movie. The casting was superb, as all stars had good parts and every fan came out feeling statisfied that his star had a good part.
Yesterday we end to bed hearing the news of the attack on Mumbai landmarks by terrorists and woke up with the situation still not resolved. A change in the central government might be the real solution we need to put an end to these attacks. The central government is too busy promoting playboy Rahul Gandhi to pay any attention to the real problems faced by the country.

Jadaf Garhoud plant souk has shifted to...........

2008-11-22T10:58:00.004+04:00

Weeks and weeks into the start of the annual planting season, we were still unable to locate the new area to which the old nursery's in Jadaf had moved. All thos who went in search of the new location in the Dragon mart and international city area came back lost and angry. Everyone was upset, and it seemed like this year there would be no planting of the flowering annuals. So yesterday we decided to find this area and set off and as was expexted we got lost. then we thought maybe we should go back to Jadaf and look for clues. At jadaf, the place looked sad and forlorn, the green area was all a wast sandy wasteland. Cars were making rounds and everyone looking for plants to buy. One lone old mas sat there with a few plants, Marigold mostly and we asked him, and he said" Dragon mart area, just go there, You will see it." But we knew we had tried and needed exact area details. Then a man who was buying plants from the old man told us how to get there.
So here goes.
To get to the new location.....
Once you reach the Dragon mart from Dubai, continue going staight till you reach a big roundabout, turn right here. The road is named Dubai academic city road, then you come to a smaller roundabout where you turn left and this area is warsan, here on your right, the nurseries and located. They are actually in a bigger area than Jadaf. Petunia are all laid out and ready for buying.
A huge lot of Chrysanthemums are also there.
Dianthus is also available now.
This area is near the sewage treatment plant and you can see hundreds and hundreds of tankers carrying sewage waiting to unload their sewage load at the plant.

Dubai balcony garden

2008-11-16T11:38:00.000+04:00

A dusty evening and a drizzle during the night the Dubai weather is back to being warm and humid. The tomato seeds have all germinated and tiny little plats are all clustered together. Hope I see some tomatoes this year. The Vinca plants are colorful and full of blooms. As a Mallu missing home too much, I bring over a lot of seeds from Kerala and this year’s amaranths are doing well, though it has not yet flowered. Inducing flowers is the biggest problem I have been having here, with gardening in Dubai. As long as I stick to nursery bought plants, I am fine, but to grow them from seeds, flowering is a problem. Well I intend to crack that problem.

Winter gardening

2008-11-15T16:18:00.000+04:00

This year has been hotter than usual. The summer vacation spent in Kerala destroyed most of the plants but now everything is doing well again. The annul flowering season has started and in October we bought verbenia, dianthus and vinca plants from Jadaf. They are doing very well. The weather has not really cooled down but mornings and evenings are nice and pleasant. Today a dust storm seems to be brewing. A new Bougainvillea is looking great. I also got a beautiful curry leaf plant, which has started putting out new leaves. My cousin in Al Ain has a garden full of French beans and I have planted some in pots too but each day brings more and more leaves, it hasnot flowered and no beans yet. I planted left over tomato seeds from last year but they are not doing well. Last year the plants did well but not even one tomato was formed.
The nursery at Jadaf has been moved to the international city and dragon mart area. No one knows the location yet so, this year no one has been able to plant the petunias yet.

Seeds from home

2008-09-21T11:49:00.002+04:00

Seeds of a lot of flowering plants were brought back from vacation at home this year. Balsams, amaranthus, vinca and a pretty purple flower I donot know the name of. Euphorbia is the current rage in all homes in Kerala and I have brought stem cuttings of all most all varities I saw around. They are perfect for the desert clime here and seem to be doing well already. My garden is still not in full splendor but is surely going towards its original state.

Dead garden

2008-09-20T19:34:00.003+04:00

I am back from a long vacation in Kerala. Hubby dear forgot to water the plants and they are mostly dead and I am furious. So now am on garden resurrecte mission.
This week I planted string bean seeds and they are all up showing two strong leaves. Hope they do better than my tomatoes did earlier this year. The summer heat is still on, dust hangs in the air and the haze has been on for a few days now, but is now beginning to clear. Hope the winter weather starts soon. I wonder if it is time for the tomato seeds to be planted.Think I will plant some and see how it does and then plant the rest a month later.

The Persimon saga

2008-07-02T19:11:00.002+04:00

I had my first persimmon last year. A tomato like fruit, persimmon was just another of the many varieties of fruits available in Dubai’s multicultural, multi ethic society, not to be tried, just looked at. Anyway when I saw the fruit in my cousin’s fruit basket and wanted to what it was, she told me to try it and see. I loved the taste and ate a few more from the basket and then carried a couple more home with me to give my hubby. Well hubby dear is a strange specimen, he considers as fruits only apple, pear, orange, grapes and bananas and mangoes. He does not try anything else and he is stubborn. So when I forced a peeled persimmon down his throat, I did it knowing only too well what his reaction would be and he did not disappoint. He declared it a shame to the name of fruits and thought that something as mushy and sweet should not be called a fruit. So I gave up and tried it on my 4 year old. Well, he being made of the same stuff as his father gagged on the first piece and I told him I was going to kill him if he did not finish the fruit. So he finished it under duress.
I bought another box of persimmon and ate it all up myself, my son helped a little as he had developed a taste for it. A few more boxes later, the persimmon season got over and was forgotten.

Then a year later, yesterday at LuLu Hypermarket in Qusais I came across the fruit again and I told my friend who was with me that this was persimmon, a wonderful fruit that she should try. She bought three and I bought another three. I ate one the moment I came home, tried one on my son who gagged and showed every sign of throwing up, I finished the fruit myself.

Then the friend called today and said,”OH my God it was disgusting, I gagged and my husband gagged and he is still screaming obscenities at having been forced to eat the fruit. What in God’s name is it?”
Well now I am at a loss at all this. I love the taste, the mushiness and the texture of persimmon and can’t fathom how anyone cannot like it, But I suppose tastes vary from person to person. My next research topic is tastes and I will be trawling the web till I get information on this very touchy subject. Imagine someone calling something you absolutely love, disgusting. Well, the nerve!!!

Asparagus fern on the balcony

2008-06-22T11:45:00.003+04:00

The greenest and lushiest plant on my balcony right now is the ornamental asparagus known as asparagus fern. Though it is called an asparagus it really belongs to the lily family. It is an evergreen perennial with feathery leaves. It is really a climber, using its small spines to climb but in a pot/container as in my garden it just arches and hangs over the pot edges giving the balcony a much-needed vibrant cooling green foliage. Right now tiny white buds and flowers are visible and soon they will turn into red berries. Its vigorous growth gives me the feeling that I will soon need to repot into a larger pot.
I had kept in out it the sun till yesterday but it seems to be getting sun burns so today it has been moved to a shadier spot. But my research tells me it needs good bright light but not direct sun and that it prefers partial shade as the foliage will turn yellow in deep shade. It has to be regularly watered. We have been having regular dust storms over tha last few weeks and so the plants end up covered in fine sand. So I put them under the shower every few days to clean off the sand. The photos were taken after such a shower bath, as they sat waiting to drain off excess water from the soil and the leaves.
Asparagus fern is known as Sprenger’s fern named after Carl Ludwig Sprenger who made it popular in Europe as an ornamental plant. (Chathaveri – Malayalam) Its tuberous roots are often made into a pickle in Kerala. Though a common weed in Kerala found climbing on all trees, it is now being extensively used as filler in flower arrangements. I have seen that in a few wedding photos this year. Very effective as it does not wilt easily.

Gardening in Summer

2008-05-17T10:45:00.003+04:00

This being only the second year of my balcony gardening in Dubai's hot climate, I am still on a learning curve. A part of the garden is still lush green, the other part is not doing so well. I made a mistake with the tomato planting season and also I think with the salvias. The salvias all have buds but they are much smaller than one would expect. I think that too probably should have been planted in winter. Well, summer here is sure no time for growing plants.

Compost ideas.

2008-05-13T22:11:00.003+04:00

After a lot of reseach I have come tothe conclusion that the tye of vegetables that I want to grow here on my balcony can be done only in Dubai's winter. So I am formally abandoning my lush geen, huge tomato plant and many be turn it into compost. Well so much for tomatoes.
My aparagus plant is growing well, as are the zinnias.
A succulent I bought from jadaf was wilting, no amount of care revived it and in the end I put the plant out on the balcony and now it is thriving, doing so well that I have half the mind to call up the jadaf saleman who sold it to me as an indoor plant, saying if I place it outside the plant will die.

The tragedy of the tomato plant

2008-05-11T14:32:00.001+04:00

Well, it’s official!!! My tomato plants aren’t going to bear fruits.
You see, for tomatoes flowers to be pollinated, the temperature should not go below 12 degree Celsius at night nor go above 32 degree Celsius during day. Well, Dubai the current temperature are constantly above 40 degrees Celsius and all my efforts at collecting pollen have failed. It seems at these temperatures the pollen becomes unviable. Well so much for fresh organic tomatoes on the table.
Maybe next time I will start the seeds in October.

It's a baby Tomato!!!!!!

2008-04-30T18:36:00.004+04:00

Yesterday my tomato plants looked looked wilted and I was worried my shaking ,vibrating attempts at pollination had killed the plants but they soon recovered and I think I can see a tomato forming in the first flower, at least that what it looks like.
A few more days and we can be sure. So that's good news.

My Salvia splendens are doing great as is the ornamental aparagus. Besides the summer heat has still not hit us so we have cool mornings and pleasant evenings and that seems to help the plants.

Gardening in Dubai

2008-04-29T18:44:00.002+04:00

Gardening is sure a challenge in Dubai, especially if you stay in an apartment with a balcony. Everything has to be bought from stores, potting soil, containers and even plants. Most unlike home in kerala where a garden is started quiet easily, mostly with plant cuttings from neighbours, friends or even total strangers. Since everything grows fabulously in the good fertile soil and with abundant rain, gardening used to be a breeze.
In Dubai it is different, the summer temp can easily exceed 50 degree centigrade and getting the perenials to survive that is an art. I usually move everything inside into the airconditioned
rooms, away from the sun, but still manage to lose many plants during the annual two month vacation. The people entrusted to water the plants kill some by over watering and some by underwatering. Well the vacations are approaching and I am experimenting with various plastic bottles hoping to develop a drip irrigation system that ensures my plants getg enough water till the person comes to water every week.

My Tomato Plants

2008-04-26T10:33:00.002+04:00

My plants are thriving and are covered with flowers, but i have absolutely no idea how to pollinate them. All the internet searches recommend shaking, vibrating etc etc etc. I tried it but it hasn'seemed to work. Hope they self pollinate and bear fruits.
I have just three months more before my vacation and hope the tomatoes are ready before that, I hate the thought of all those fruits and the plants drying up in the hot july-august Dubai sun while I enjoy a wet monsoon in Kerala.

Forgotten

2008-04-19T10:16:00.006+04:00

Today I have completed 38 years in the human form and 7 years as a married person. But it would have been nice if someone had remembered the date and wished me. No one remembered , not my husband, not my mother, my sister's, no one at all. The lone wisher is a cousin who I am not really very fond of but now am slowly beginning to like.
Maybe death is like this, when you are totally forgotten and nobody cares.

The Bud

2008-02-12T09:58:00.001+04:00

On 31-01-2008

The dianthus flower opened over a few days. The pictures are not very clear but still I am putting them up.

Ideal Violet

2008-02-03T22:02:00.000+04:00

Finally my dianthus is open. It is a a double "ideal violet" an tomorrow I will post all the photosof its opening. Om the day it opened we had very severe dust storm. Around 60km/hr, so it was a little disheveled the next morning, a little bath under the shower restored it to all its glory.

Getting ready to open

2008-01-30T11:30:00.000+04:00

My dianthus bud has little divisions at the top of the bud almost like it is dividing, getting ready to open. So hopefully I will see the flower in a few days. I pinched off the tops of the other dianthus plants to promote more side branches. Hope it works.

Cold and Windy

2008-01-27T11:45:00.001+04:00

My dianthus bud is still closed and the waiting continues but a lot of new buds are forming so maybe instead of a single bloom, I will possibly get a lot of them in beautiful colours. It is very windy and cold today in Dubai so the plants and flowered looked harassed and tired but it won't do any damage.
My petunias have a faint smell and look so pretty and cooling to the eyes, my neighbours say the flowers make their day as they have a very good view of them from their balcony. We have a lot of birds visiting us these days, Yesterday I saw a dragon fly, my first
in Dubai.

Yellow Cosmos

2008-01-22T18:28:00.001+04:00

The dianthus bud is still closed but the cosmos are in full bloom. I got the seeds from home in Kerala. There the cosmos plants are six footers, so I was not really sure how it would do here in a pot on my balcony. Well, I planted them in those Al Rawabi 2kg yogurt containers and guess what, they grew to a height of around two feet and then burst into flowers. They love the sun and look great.
But of late we have been having a red colored web-spinning spider like mite attacking them. I read somewhere the best thing to do is to give the plants a shower, which drowns the pests. Well so they are getting showers every two days. But these pests are persistent.
God knows where they came from; my guess is they arrived with the marigold plants I bought from a Jaddaf nursery. Well first they destroyed all the marigold plants and then moved on to the sunflowers and are now attacking the cosmos. All of them being from the same family seems to be the reason. They don’t seem to like the petunia as much, so those plants are being left alone.

Dianthus buds

2008-01-21T11:01:00.001+04:00

My balcony is bursting with flowers of all hues.

A lot of Petunias in pots, in season right now in Dubai is, of course, the main feature. A huge red poinsettia given as a Christmas present also looks wonderful. But these are plants that were bought from shops in the flowering state.

My pride and joy are the cosmos and the dianthus I grew from seeds, agonizing over each causality and hoping and praying that at least one seedling would survive and bear flowers. Well God must have been paying close attention. The cosmos grew fast and are now covered in glorious yellow flowers while the dianthus is still growing, some plants have buds, which are likely to open any day now.

The dianthus buds are becoming bigger and bigger each day and in one of them I can see red shades just under the outer cover. Waiting for the flower to open is almost like waiting for the baby to come after the mandatory nine months of waiting. Each day first thing in the morning I check to see the plant to see if the bud is open.

Teachers, some nasty, some great

2007-06-16T09:31:00.000+04:00

Well, the first assessment is over and reports are good as far as I am concerned. J is not all that happy. He was, I suppose expecting a report saying that he is the father of a super child. My own expectations are much lower. But he still came way over my vision. The teacher said he was shy and did not interact with her at all.

That is not surprising considering the fact that I was shy too, scared to look at the teacher and scared of being asked questions. Yet, I was smarter than most in my class. My teachers had problem believing that I was writing my home assignment essay’s without parental help. They always assumed that no child my age could write so well. I suppose if I had not been that shy, they might have noticed me and seen how good I was, but I never gave them a chance. I was so shy that I was almost like wallpaper blending into the background and disappearing.

I particularly remember a Mrs. Ramachandran, our English teacher; she used to take special pleasure in telling the class that I was cheating as obviously my father was doing all my homework. It made me retreat more and more into my shell, but in many ways it pleased me too because, I used to wonder, “Wow!! Am I that good?”

Thom is much the same, only he has me on his side and I think I might be able to prod him to do well in class rather than just when doing home assignments.

I wonder where Mrs. Ramachandran is? Is she dead, alive or in hell? She is one of the few teachers’ I remember from the Indian community school in Libya around the years 1981 to 1984.
Then there was Mrs. Aggarwal, the Hindi teacher; she tried so hard with me. I don’t know what she saw in me but she kept trying to draw me out. But I was too stubborn and the poor dear never succeeded. My warmest salutes to her for her belief in me. Tara Bhaskar was another wonder teacher, again an English teacher. Then of course there was the wonderful Mrs. Iyengar, the math teacher, who made all her students brilliant performers. She brought out the best in us. As did Mrs. Ramanujam. Then there was the unforgettable Mr. Cherian, who a blot on all math teachers, he was not a teacher rather a lazy moron, who never taught anything and all his students ended up failing. He had six or seven daughters, all created in the hope that the next would be a boy. Well he never had a boy.

Nosebleed

2007-06-06T09:06:00.000+04:00

Yesterday I received a call from Thom’s school to tell me that he had to be send to the clinic as he had a nose bleed. He was fine and that he is being send home on the school bus.
He has been complaining of headaches for sometime now and I wonder if it is connected but most of my research on the net tells me that it is common in children and usually due to the hot weather. And God it is hot!!. We were thinking of sending him for the summer camp but now I am having doubts as this summer is turning out to hotter than usual and why strain him unnecessarily.
We had a big fight today before going to school. I wish instead of losing my cool when he acts cranky, I could be more calm. Most of the time I get agitated when he is cranky and that freaks him out and we end up having a messy crying time for him and angry upset time for me.

Happy ever after

2007-06-04T09:33:00.000+04:00

Yesterday night, I went to sleep thinking about Appan. I told him to give me a sign that he was well and happy wherever he was.

In the morning I was worried about my uncontrollable anger each time, Thom and I sat down to do his homework. I ended up shouting and angry and he, frightened beyond words at this mad screaming apparition his mother routinely turned into every evening during homework time. So I decided to speak to another parent whose child is also in KG1 and who stayed in the next building. We got talking and she said she did not put any force on her daughter to do the homework and that I really need not worry.

Anyway, one thing led to another and soon we were discussing our families and we realized that we were second cousins. She is the daughter of my father’s first cousin. Her maternal grandmother and my paternal grandmother are sisters. It was more a shock than surprise as we have staying so close and had no idea at all. We see each other everyday and still this never came up.

Later as I thought about it I remembered my request to appan yesterday night. Was this a sign from him? Does it mean he is fine and happy in the after life.

Sharing

2007-06-03T08:57:00.000+04:00

My cousin, his wife and three-year-old daughter are over for a visit. They will stay for a week. Thom has been excited about having another child to play with but after playing for sometime he realized that having another child in the house mean a lot of unnecessary competition. It meant having to share things, having attention taken away from him. It really is no fun. So now the excitement has changed to hate and dislike.

Till yesterday the query was, “When are they coming? Why are they not coming?” And now that has changed to, “Amma, When will they leave? I hate her.”

I expected to have a nice time too, with Thom having someone else to play with but instead I have on my hands a very cranky child, who is upset about every toy his cousin picks up.

A couple of years ago when Thom was not yet two, I remember staying at J’s cousin’s house. They had a four year old and he used to act just like Thom does now and I used to think, “what bad parenting!”.

Thom was always crying because that child would not let him play with any of his toys. And I was proud of my son, as he was the sharing type; he had no problems with anyone playing with his toys.

But I suppose it just meant that he wasn’t old enough to think of things as theirs, and mine but now that, he has learnt to do that, things have changed and people probably think of me as a bad parent.

The Damocles' Sword

2007-05-27T08:35:00.000+04:00

I received a mail yesterday from Veena saying the auction notice for our house has been sent by the bank and on July 16th they are going to attach the house. It is part a big mess created by Appan many years ago. Actually each time the bank decides to take action something or the other comes up the it gets delayed and there is a reprieve for sometime, then it all starts again. It hangs like a Damocles sword over our heads, never letting us relax.
Then each time some solution to the problem comes up, either Appan or Amma manage to shoot it down. Sometimes I think it is best for the house to be attached at least this ongoing tension will disappear from our lives.
The house has been an unlucky one for all those who lived in it. Every owner has ended up in debt and been forced to sell the house, I suppose we are just one more in the long chain of owners. Maybe the bank will be the next victim.
Maybe when I went down for Appan’s funeral last year and stayed for 40 days at home, is the last time I get to spend time at home. From now on maybe I will be one of those millions of homeless. We have a lot of memories there, some beautiful, some terrible.

God and His plans

2007-05-24T09:13:00.000+04:00

I feel a little smug and satisfied today. God struck for me yesterday or so I think. Since our marriage six years back, the balance has always tilted in his favour. I know it is the same in all marriages, the man has more power but in ours, he is in power and I am just a menial servant with no real identity, hopes or anything resembling life. We go on vacation and I am not allowed to visit my parents but expected to bow low and scrape before his mother and the all powerful sisters, who are allowed to scream, blame and literally make life hell for all around them. When my parish church has a feast, I am made to beg and beg to be allowed to visit only to be denied and left feeling hopeless and dead. But he ensures we are there for all his church feasts. My attitude in the beginning was anger but slowly I became resigned to fate and consoled myself with the fact that I took on this crucifix and I need to carry it to the end.
This year as his brother was going to India at the time of the church feast, he decided he would not go on vacation at the same time, and rather go during Thom’s school vacation. So all was set, then as the days for his brother’s vacation approached so did his problems. Then at the last moment, the brother was not allowed to go and suddenly during the feast, the brother was not there at home. We had a party yesterday and he got drunk and after that he was very upset, opening up. He was upset that this was the first feast when neither his father, his brother nor himself was able to attend the feast, the first feast when his mother had to be without any of her men around her for the feast.
Well it was almost like my fantasy come true. Each time I begged him to let me go home, he used to smirk. It was like I was being avenged for the times when he refused to let me go and my parents had to do without me even when they knew I was just a hour away from them. I know it is a small thing but to him this is a big deal. Every time we have guests and they enquire after his mother, he tells them, “My mother has her daughters to stand and support her like pillars on her either side, and she does not live looking up to us. Her daughters take care of her.” Very proud, that his sisters had their noses in all our matters and had full control of everything. So what changed now? For me this has been special, because I was able to attend the Ettu Nombu perunal in our church and he was not able to attend the perunal in his. This is the opposite of what usually happens. Maybe God has decided things need to change and like they say in Hindi, “In God’s house there is delay not darkness”(Bhangwan ke ghar mae dher hai andher nahi).

A Special Day

2007-05-15T08:19:00.000+04:00

Every year when this day comes along, I relive the events that made this day the most important on my calendar. On March 22nd, 2003 Saturday, I was pregnant and the due date was fast approaching on April 2nd. I was scared and my conversations with Veena inevitably ended with her telling me, “See, the baby has to come out, and you have to do it, pain or no pain. So don’t worry, there is going to be pain but the baby will come out.”
That wasn’t very comforting but well the truth so I had to just bite my lips and bear it.
That morning I had my weekly checkup, compulsory in the last month and as usual I went to the hospital, amma had come from India for the delivery and she came alone. As usual thee was a big crowd. I waited my turn and watched the others there. A girl who was two weeks overdue was there; she had been there last week and the week before but this time she looked uncomfortable and worried. She was ushered in and then they called my name. The doctor had put me on a strict diet as I was putting on too much weight and she seemed satisfied with the result. Then she checked my blood pressure and said, “ Have we done an internal exam yet?” I shook my head and said, “No”.
“Then come, let me have a look”
I hated internal exams and each time ended with the doctor shouted angrily at me.
“You need to be very slow, because I find it very hard to relax during the internal examinations.”
The doctor smiled, “ Don’t worry, and think about something else.”
I closed my eyes and thought about yellow flowers, sunflowers, and chrysanthemums.
“There, it’s over, but you are 4cms dilated. How are you feeling? Any pain, discomfort, anything different at all?”
I shook my head, scared, “No, nothing.”
A nurse came up and said, “You are lucky, 4cms and no pain, that is great, now you have just 6cms to go.”
The doctor said, “Come lets do a ultrasound, just to make sure everything is fine”
As I lay waiting for the doctor to do ultrasound, I could hear her talking to someone else, “My God, You are nearly 8cms dilated, How come you are feeling nothing?”
The girl she was speaking to was very young, slim and tall and she looked surprised at what the doctor said.
“You need to get admitted to the labour room now. I will forward the paper work.”
“So Can we go to the maternity wing now?” she asked the doctor and the doctor looked at her and said, “My dear how do you plan to go there, you are in no state to walk or move. The ambulance will take you there.”
The maternity wing was on the other side of the sprawling Kuwaiti hospital and medical college. Then the doctor came to me and asked, “Why are you all dilated and getting ready to have babies today without any contractions? Is it because of the rain.”
Then she did the ultrasound and told me, “The baby is big but the delivery is going to be easy, you have very soft tissues.”
Then She told me to wait as I needed to get admitted and she wanted to put at the fetal heartbeat. I went out into the waiting area and told amma and asked her to call J.
Back inside I saw overdue girl and her mother worried, the fetal heart beat was irregular and they needed to have a C section done and she was also referred to the maternity hospital.
They then made me lie on a bed and gave me rubber bulb to hold and told to press it each time the baby moves, so I lay there and did it.
Soon it was over and the doctor came over and gave me some papers and told me, “Go home now. Come and get admitted at 2.00PM or earlier if you had any contractions. Right now there are no beds in the maternity ward.”
Great, I came and saw J there, looking worried and scared. I told what the doctor had said and we came back home.
At home I called appan and told him that the contractions have started.
Amma made me take a bath, then at 2.00PM Byju came with a SUV and took us to the hospital. There we had a little difficulty getting to labour suite as I was instructed as the guard outside kept insisting that I needed to get admitted to the maternity ward first. Then someone came out and looked at the papers and let me in. Inside, everyone looked relaxed, “ Any pain, discomfort, anything at all?”
“No”
“I don’t why the duty doctor is sending everyone over today without them getting any contractions?”
“I don’t think you need to get admitted now, go home and come back when you feel some change.”
I did not know what to do, “ But the doctor said I was dilated 4cms.”
“Well, that is okay as long as you feel no pain.”
I went out and told J, he started to look even more worried. Then he came in, “ SO should we be back?”
“Wait,” Another nurse said, “Let the doctor check you before you leave, just to make sure.”
After checking she said, “she is already 6cms and dilating fast, get her admitted immediately.”
Then I lay there and the pain was induced and as contractions started, I started screaming and flailing my hands around, they sedated me and I kept on screaming and at 10.27PM, he came out. He did not scream or cry just whimpered. My angel, small, beautiful and lovely

Vacation blues

2007-05-13T08:11:00.000+04:00

“I have booked tickets for our vacation in August” J called to tell me, “Its from August 2nd to the 23rd and that means you can stay at your parent’s house for two or three days around the days of your father’s death anniversary.”

I seethe inside, I can feel the anger building up, but I say nothing. My husband takes more pleasure in denying me my little happiness than anything else in the world. I knew he had probably planned and sketched out the details and methods to ensure that I did not get time to spend with my people and my home. For him marriage meant I give up all by past life and move into his. Well it might have worked had I been married when I was two or three year old, but when you marry at the adult age of thirty one, your past is part of your life. Anyway I don’t ask him to forget his people, why would he expect me to forget mine. But all this is just academic. I put my head in the wolf’s mouth when I consented to marrying him and now after having a son, leaving is not an option, especially when I know he is good father. A bad husband surely but a good father. Arguing would have been fruitless, as I know from past experience. All I can do is wait for an opportunity to escape my burden or else hope that God in his greatness has other plans for me.

Anyway he comes home for lunch and I am so angry that I cannot bear to look at his face, he knows it but ignores it. By evening I am still angrier. Then at night when he sleeping his stomach starts acting up, flatulence and bloating and he wakes screaming from deep sleep, screaming that he was having a heart attack. I ignore him and go on pretending to sleep. He soon realizes it is only gas and goes off to the toilet. This has been a regular occurrence. He does something nasty and manipulative and his system acts up scaring him to death. Maybe this is his fate, a lifetime of fear of untimely death as a retribution for the mental torture he subjects me to.

For me each vacation in his house is hell, his sisters and mother are nasty ladies whose noses are permanently stuck in their brothers’ and their wives’ lives. The brothers’ don’t mind while we hate to have to see and deal with them everyday and night. They have totally henpecked weirdoes for husbands so they tag along too.

The Outing

2007-05-08T18:08:00.000+04:00

“How was the flower shop visit?” I asked Thom when he returned from school
“Okay”
“What did you do there? What did you see?”
“OH, just flowers.”
“Did they give you flowers.”
“No, just to the teacher.”
“Did Mahadev come to the class today?”
“Yes, Mahadev came, so did Rohan.”
“What about Jackly?”
“I don’t like Jackly.”
“Okay, so we will just throw in the waste bin”
“Which one?”
“The one outside our flat, let the garbage truck come and take him away.”
“No, No, just throw him in the waste bin inside our house.”
“Why? You said you don’t like him didn’t you?”
“Yes, but not that much, I don’t like him only a little.”

Everything under the Carpet

2007-04-30T16:53:00.000+04:00

The dreaded talk is yet to happen; maybe I am not getting it this time. You see even after all the talk all we do is skip around the real issue and sweep it all neatly under the carpet. And after five years of marriage the issues under the carpet are piling up and it looks like a huge mountain now.
Then life goes on, this is the tried and tested way for the malayali family to deal with problems. One problem gets swept under the carpet, the next rears its head, and current one is to do with the bank loan Appan took out on the house and which he promptly forgot about and after nearly seven years the amount has accumulated and after Appan’s death the bank is initiating recovery procedures unless we pay at least 9.5 lakhs back. Of this 2.5 has been paid back and 7 remains. But none of us has the resources to do it. J will not help and I hate to have to ask him, Veena is broke and Choo, newly married and already struggling to pay her rent, is the last person to turn to. I really don’t know what to do. Veena says another bank loan is the solution but no one really is enthusiastic about it as paying it off and then ensuring that the court will rule in our favour, all look impossible now. If we don’t pay now, the 2.5 we paid will be lost and that was Appan’s stupidity for which Veena had to bear the brunt.

Friction in the Air

2007-04-28T17:28:00.000+04:00

We have not been on talking terms after the vicious verbal spat on Saturday. That is usual, after every fight we don’t speak to each other and then after a few days, he would get drunk and then call me, “Koche, come here. Sit, we need to talk.”

Then the lecture would start. I would sit there, ready to explain my side of the story but somewhere in the middle of the lecture I find myself thinking, “Why bother? He is never going to change. Just keep your mouth shut and get through this.”

The usual lecture goes something like this, “I don’t like your attitude, the way you humiliate me and I have said this before and will say it again, if you want to stay with me, you will have to do it on my terms. I have given at least Rs, 20,000/- every year to your parents and have never got anything in return.”

I remain silent thinking, “Well, think of the Rs 20,000 as salary you paid for my services and its pretty cheap considering it works out to less than AED 200 a month for the cooking, cleaning, washing, sex, childcare that I provide everyday without any holiday in between.”

After that we go to bed, have sex and everything goes back to normal the next day.

But this time it was different. He did not give the lecture but we had sex, usually it is only during sex that he uses any kind of endearments towards me and that was missing yesterday. Maybe because there has been no lecture the air is still full of friction. He needs to get it out of his system for things to get back to real normal.

The weekend

2007-04-23T15:21:00.000+04:00

Byju, J’s nephew, his wife Tanya, the children and the three of us were in the new apartment we were going to move into. They loved the house and thought it spacious.
“Where do you think we should place the TV and the music system?” J asked Byju.
He looked around the drawing room and said, “I think this spot would be right” and he pointed towards the corner next to the wall, “That would also ensure that children did not sit too close to the TV.”
“I was thinking this spot” J said moving in front of the huge French windows in the room.
“But that would block the windows and prevent light from coming in” I objected.
“Anyway we put curtains in front of the windows, that is what I see in all houses” J said.
“But curtains don’t block views, it just prevent people from seeing into our house while letting us look out.”
“Don’t talk nonsense woman” J was getting agitated and he looked angry. He did not like being challenged and told he is wrong. He is Mister right, the Kottayam Achayan who can never be wrong, the embodiment of sense and ultimate taste, the master interior decorator whose masterpiece is boarding up the windows with a huge TV stand and a huge TV.
“ But the view will be blocked and it will look ugly, why can’t we have it on the other side like you said before” I ask realizing he is going to flare up and start verbal abuse at any point now but not in the mood to back off myself.
“That is how it is done in all houses and that is how we are going to do it.”
Byju and Tanya are wary, they have seen J like this before but they also know they are helpless. He tries to calm things down.
“So where do you think the dining table should go?” J asks.
The lobby is big and that would be the ideal place and Byju thinks the same. “What do you think, Sneha aunty? Byju asks trying to involve me too in the discussion.
“I think that place is right, but then J thought we might not have enough space to walk if we put the dining table there, so I am not so sure now.” I reply
“We are holding a barbecue here once we move in.” J said.
“But the smoke will blacken the walls and I don’t think the building management will let you do it.” Byju said
“Nonsense, I will hold it wherever I want.” J replied.
“It would be better to hold barbecue on the terrace and eat it here.”
J was in a combative mood, picking up fights even when there were no fights to be picked up.
Later we get dinner and Tanya finishes first, and starts washing the dishes.
“Damn you, you have no manners, guests come and you make them wash plates” J shouted at me.
“Tanya please leave the plates, I will do it.” I tell her, thinking about all the time when we are invited to a dinner at some house and he forces me to wash all the dishes in that house. I have even been made to wash weeks old dishes a friend of his left in the sink when his wife left on vacation.
“All you think about is eating” He is still angry.
Byju realizes things are getting out of hand and tells Tanya to leave everything in the sink as it is, “Really what is the harm if Tanya helps with the dishes.” He asks.
Soon they leave and we go to bed without anymore fighting.
In the morning, J says, “Oh I forgot to tell you, your father’s death certificate has arrived. Who faxed it?”
“Must be Veena.”
“What about the photos?” he wanted to know.
“She said she is sending it by courier, but first I suppose they will need to take the photos and get it developed and all that is a slow process in our town.” I replied.
“You are bringing her on a visit visa now aren’t you?” I ask
“No, No I am taking a residence visa”
“Don’t do that now. Let her come here on a visit visa now and after the death anniversary, we can get the residence visa, that will give her time.” I say.
“Don’t talk about impossible things. We will tell her she is on a visit visa and once she is here then we will tell her that she has to stay here.”
“No, I can’t do that, I cannot trick my mother like that.”
“Don’t talk nonsense.”
“Really, in our community, after the husbands death, there are certain rules to be followed. Otherwise people will talk and it being such a small closed community, we will have to be very careful.”
It isn’t as if she is running off or anything, she is just coming to stay with her daughter, isn’t she?”
“Still it is not like Kottayam where these things don’t matter. There is no way she is going to come and stay before the first death anniversary. Every Sunday she has to get the priest to say the prayers at the grave, all that will be impossible.”
“Nonsense.”
I know it is nonsense for him, because after his father’s death, the next time they visited the grave was on the death anniversary. The month after the death, they actually celebrated his mother’s birthday in a big way, when it is common practice to abstain from all celebrations until after the first death anniversary. For them their father’s death was good riddance of a real pain in the ass. Here we celebrated that year’s Christmas with the biggest party we ever had. Actually everyone seemed so happy about his death that we celebrated every festival like never before. So I knew what I was saying sounded like non-sense to him. Besides he was not bringing my mother here because he liked her or anything, but because he wanted a caretaker for his son. There was no love anywhere in this. And when she did come, he would have no problems insulting her and belittling her. So to I preferred her not to have to go through all these humiliations just because she is a widow. And anyway he had made me promise once that if he were to die I would not allow my father to come and stay with me. I had at that point decided that if he were to die I too would not live in the house that he wanted to keep my father away from. Now with that attitude towards my father, how dare he think he can turn my mother into a maid in my own house? To hell with him.
Sometime later we went out, it was raining heavily and very old outside. Little Thom had a bad cold and infected tonsils and so I dressed him up in very warm clothes – pants, thermal underwear, T-shirt and a sweater. I also wore a sweater. Once out of the house, we realized it was really colder than we imagined. The winter was finally here. We were joined by Siraj and after we checked out the electronics shop we came back home. Peter, J’s cousin was waiting for us. As usual J started drinking and we were discussing general things when I said, “Oh, We have a gift voucher from Jashanmall. We haven’t bought anything yet.”
“They have a sale there now.”
“But I don’t think we can use it in combination with a sale.”
“What can you buy from there?”
“We will have to go and check, I don’t think we can buy anything for daily use there. Its all expensive stuff there.”
“But I think we will find things we can get beautiful things to display in our new house.”
“Yes, things like that.”
“You know, Peter, it is more difficult when you have a big house. If the interior is not done well, everyone will say he is a village bumpkin, so we need to buy things to show others that we are smart.”
“Nonsense,” I said, “ We don’t need to buy things to prove anything to anyone. I think we should buy things we like and enjoy, not for other people’s approval.”
“You are real trash, with no sense about anything. Why so you think these expensive things are made and sold, naturally it for being bought and displayed to show off.”
I did not realize he was turning into his combative ugly verbally abusive self, so I pushed on, “ Actually when we do things to score points, rather than because we enjoy it, it is called Keeping up with the Joneses in English, in a situation like that one can never win, someone somewhere is going to do it better than you.”
“There is trash uncultured talk, you come from trashy background that is why you are talking like. You should have married some trashy bastard and then you would learn your lesson. You have no sense in anything, no dress sense at all. You, your people all are just the scum of the earth.” He was screaming and also using a lot of unmentionable expletives in Malayalam.
My eyes were burning, and the tears would come flooding at any moment now, but I kept telling myself “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t give him that satisfaction.”
“Please achaya, you should never say things like that.”
“Hm you know nothing about her. She thinks she is a big shot, studied in big schools abroad, and knows English well. Whenever I come home I find her watching English channels, she does not watch any Malayalam. Well if she is so good in English, let her draft a letter in English, I who watch only Malayalam channels can draft better letters than her.”
Okay I need to explain this comment. His father completed 10th grade and then worked in Union carbide with the Americans, and it is said he could draft great letters in English. It seems he drafted a leave letter for someone working here in UAE and that person’s manager asked him about who drafted this letter and said that it was very good. From then on letter drafting has come to be considered the ultimate skill in J’s house. So now if you were to ask anyone in their family, ‘ Why did Einstein get the Nobel Prize?” the answer would probably be “He drafted a letter in science.” The letter drafting being the ultimate skill anyone can master.
Now back to J, he was getting angrier and angrier, “ She has no dress sense, you should see the rubbish she wears, and when she goes out she dresses like a beggar.”
I was not getting this thing about the dresses, so I said, “But none of my dresses are bought by me, it is all selected, patterns designed and got stitched by people with a lot of sense.”
Actually his younger sister, who is considered by him and his family to be a connoisseur of highly sophisticated taste, did it all. I was just a model, who dressed up in things they provided. I had no complaints about the arrangement too, as her tastes were certainly better than mine. So the reason for his complaining was not clear to me.
“You should have seen the way she dressed our son, he was wearing pants short for him, everything he wore was too small. It was cold outside it seems.”
Well it was not my fault. J’s idea was the right size was three sizes too big. The shirt had to come down to the knee; the shoulder stitch was at the elbow and he, being reed thin looked horrible in things J bought for him. Worse, everyone laughed at Thom when he dressed like that. Even in India when we went on vacation, everyone would ask why we make him wear such over sized clothes, and often they all blame me because J is infallible and can never go wrong. Besides J did not believe in wearing sweater, the child might die of pneumonia but as long as he looked smart in the coffin that was okay. No sweater please, we are Kottayam Achayans. He also refused to buy pants for Thom so I end up having to dress him up in pants that were gifted to him when he was two. And anyway he was there when I dressed Thom, why did he not tell me he did not like the dress I had selected. J himself dressed in three sizes big. He is a small man barely five feet 6 inches but he wears clothes that a six feeter would find loose fitting.
The verbal abuse continued for a long time. I waited for it all to end and then left the room. I felt like crying but did not.
After lunch we went into the bedroom and I knew I would now get a lecture on my behavior. And it came, “You are always questioning my authority. If you want to live with me, you will have to do it on my conditions, otherwise you can leave; go back home (Home being my parents house). Anyway I have decided not to bring your mother here. I will get someone else for my son. After all Byju has a maid for his child, so I will also get one. I don’t want to have to grovel in front anyone for anything. You can keep your culture which happens to be different from Kottayam culture as you said.”
So that was it, it was the amma discussion that triggered the abuse. But then what about yesterday. It was actually this verbal abuse that made me scared to get amma here. I wanted her here very much for Thom’s sake but J would get abusive with her. It has happened before and it will happen again, which is why amma and everyone else close to her are, as reluctant as I am, about her coming here. No matter what, I really don’t want her to have to go through this madness. I am stuck for life in this but it is unfair to make her go through this hell just because she happens to be my mother.

The unbearably boring wife

2007-04-21T18:18:00.000+04:00

J had the meeting after that he went to Rajan’s house and came here only at around 12.45 AM. These days Rajan and his wife see more of him than we do. If I were so inclined I really have good grounds to believe that he is having an affair, but somehow I don’t think him capable of all that mess.
In the morning he was up early and off to God knows where. He came back at 11.00Am and then got drunk and slept. Then a call came saying that a colleague of his had had an heart attack and died, so he went off there and came back and has gone off again, to buy MacDonald’s burgers. I think today he was in the house for about three hours max.
Am I so unbearable that he can’t bear to spend time with me at all?

Missed Oppurtunities

2007-04-18T11:31:00.000+04:00

Why did I not buy Appan a watch? It was something he always wanted but he never said that to us, though if we were sensitive enough we would surely have picked up the signs. Then why did I not do it, I did so much else but some things like buying him a new shirt, under garments, a watch etc just did not occur to me. Why? Now when I am conscious of it, he is not there for me to do it. Life ends so fast and so unexpectedly that it makes sense to not put off things till the time is right. The right time is always now and lucky are those who have the sense to get things done when needed.

The Creative Mind

2007-04-17T08:50:00.000+04:00

A writer, a good one like Shakespeare, an artist like Michelangelo, an architect like the one who designed Taj Mahal, these are just examples but it is only people like them who live on in people’s memories or history long after they have left their human bodies. No matter what happens Beethoven will be remembered and admired till the end of time. These professions guarantee the people who practice them a kind of immortality rarely seen in any other profession. A doctor who cures people is a hero when alive but then he becomes old and people he has treated dies and when finally he himself dies nothing is left of him back here to remember him by, unless of course he has developed a vaccine or a cure for something. Then it will probably last till the human race is there. When considered that way architects seem to be the only people whose work is forever.

Appan designed a lot of churches, hotels and hospitals. Some he has got credit for, some credits was stolen from him but as long as these structures remain his ideas remain on earth long after he is forgotten. There are a few churches designed by him in Tamil Nadu and Kerala. Then the grand Hotel in Ernakulam was a project he worked closely with, as was the Grand Hotel in Tripoli Libya, the airport in Libya and houses of ministers in Libya. The homes he has designed for people. The Medical Trust hospital in Ernakulam, which design, was his but another took the credits. The list could go on and on.

Insha Allah

2007-04-16T09:06:00.000+04:00

When I received the call from home on Aug 8th night, saying that Appan’s condition had worsened, I prepared myself for the worst. All the time on the flight, I kept thinking, maybe everything is over now and maybe I will never see him again. At the airport, Vava was there at the baggage claim and he looked fine and when I asked how appan was he said Appan was fine, and that he looked fine. Chachan met me outside and he said the same thing. That calmed me down and at the hospital Appan looked thin and weak but in good spirits. He looked great. Even when I left at night, he looked fine. It all changed and in the morning when I reached his side he was barely breathing. All so fast, all so unexpected, everything ended in seconds.
Now when I make plans for the future, even for the near future, I find myself thinking, “if nothing goes wrong” much like Muslim’s say “Insha Allah”. Really on Aug 8th morning life was normal and ordinary then one day later Appan was no more. How can we plan for anything when we don’t even what the next moment will bring? We can only hope for the best and trust in God.

The Annual Sports Day

2007-04-15T10:40:00.000+04:00

Today was the annual sports day at HK Nursery. We were all invited but as J had a meeting I went alone. The playground was decorated with circus figures, huge cutouts. The day’s theme was circus. The parents all sat around waiting with cameras and camcorders like paparazzi waiting to record for posterity all the moves made by their precious offspring. Soon the speeches were over and children started coming oust to the playground in neat lines. They were all marching and soon the games began. Thom performed well, a lot of the children started crying as soon as they saw the parents. In the race Thom came second and was awarded the silver medal.

The children put up a very good show today on their annual sports day. It was real fun with children dressed up like clowns, jokers and acrobats. There were races and games and prizes for the winners. A lot of the children started crying when they saw their parents. Thom was revelation, he was cool confident and great and won the silver medal in the right rope race. I have taken everything on the handy cam, so Appa will be able to watch it though he could not make it to the function.

School blues

2007-04-14T08:50:00.000+04:00

“Choomma, why are you not coming to our house any more?” Thom wanted to know.
Choo my sister is his favourite relative and before getting married early this year, all her weekends were spend here. Now she rarely came.
In Thom’s tiny world J was Choo’s father too. “Appa will scold you if you don’t come here.”
“But what will Ed chachan do if I come and stay with you?” she asks him.
“Are you staying with Ed chachan? Ask Ed chachan’s daddy and mummy to come and look after him.”
“Did you go to school today?”
“Yes, but the teacher does not like me. Will you come and scold her and kill her?”
“The teacher likes you, I called her and she said she likes you very much.”
“I don’t like her. I like sitting at home and watching TV.
After more of this conversation I take the receiver from him and ask her about how her baby-making project is going on.
“Well the periods are regular and we are trying but nothing seems to be happening.”
“Do you know about the safe period and ovulation and things?”
“No I have no idea at all.”
So I tell her how it works and promise to surf the net and send more info.
Choo and Ed under a lot of pressure to produce a baby fast.

In a few days we will be moving to the new house just across the road from the one we are staying now. We have given orders for the cot and mattress, the reupholstering of the sofa set, the new chairs, cupboards etc. We had to buy the old furniture in the house we are moving to because Jops said he would and we now have a lot of things we really are not interested in and want to sell off.
Thom has his annual sports day tomorrow and he is taking part in some of the programs. We are all invited and J has a meeting tomorrow so I will have to go alone. It feels bad because it is Thom’s first big function and his father won’t be there to watch him.

Button fingers

2006-10-31T12:04:00.000+04:00

“See I learned to button my shirt. Watch.”
I sit down and watch as Thom buttons his shirt. It is a long process, the button keeps slipping from his fingers and he grows frustrated after each failed attempt. Fifteen minutes later he has success with one button and there are three more to go. I prepare for a long wait. But as I watch I begin to appreciate the level of dexterity needed for the process. He had learned to use the computer mouse in ten minutes but the shirt buttons had been giving him a hard time. But he has mastered it at last and the look on his face showed he felt like the king of the world.
He is all of three years and 7 months old and cannot wait to be independent, he likes to dress himself, decides what to wear and feeds himself.
“See all the buttons are down.”
“Wow!! You are a very clever boy.”
“Let me show you again” He promptly undoes all the buttons and then starts buttoning up again.

Baby Sitting

2006-10-29T11:09:00.000+04:00

“Do you think your mother will come and stay with us?” We were lying on the bed in the afternoon. I had been to an interview in the morning and this was the most troubling aspect of my job search. Each time I seemed about to get a job, we worried about Thom. If we both worked who would look after him and inevitably if we did not find good babysitters, I worry so much that my work suffers and I lose my job. That has been the pattern till now. We were hoping amma would come and stay with us and help take care of the baby. But she really was not keen on it, it meant leaving home and coming to Dubai and staying with us. Besides, while I loved having amma here, I really had a problem with Joe’s attitude towards it. To him, amma was doing us a service and he wants to pay her for it and amma wants to be treated as part of the family and feels insulted when she is paid for looking after her grandson.

Anyway yesterday when he was drunk, the tone hadn’t been like this, it was more like, “Hmm!! So your mother won’t come heh! I need to know fast.”
I say, “She didn’t say she is not coming, just that she needed time.”
“What time? Anyone who decides to come, I am getting a three year residence visa.”
I keep silent.
“I don’t think you will get the job.”

But today it is all honey and milk, he wants amma here. He knows no one will look after his son better than amma.
“Ask her again.”
“I will.”
“Why does she not want to come?”
“She says the house is old and if no one lives in it and takes care of it will be attacked by termites.”
“How about Vena? What is she saying? She wants amma to come and stay with us.”
“Yeah, She is the only one who feels amma will better of with us than there.”
“Anyway we will get her here on a visit visa and than see how it goes.”
There it stands. As they haven’t called yet about the job offer, we are keeping our fingers crossed, waiting.

Making school fun

2006-10-27T12:52:00.000+04:00

After weeks and weeks of “Amma, the teacher hates me. I don’t want to go to school”
I decided I needed to get to the root of these feelings.
The previous term he had loved going to school, the only fights we used to have was about what he should wear. Then too on uniform days, I only had to say “today is uniform day” and he was up and ready to go. But this term everyday has been a nightmare. It would start the previous night and would continue into the morning, the incessant whining of
“No school today please.”
I spoke to the teacher, “But he is doing fine in class. He does his colouring. He is doing fine.”
This went on for sometime but he still hated going.
So I called the teacher again last week, “I need your help. Thom is always complaining about his class. He says the teacher does not like him. So if you could make a little fuss over him everyday before he leaves for home, it would really help.”
She was apologetic, “But maam it is really not like that. We do that everyday, when they leave class, we tell them goodbye and see tomorrow.”
“But it does not seem to be enough. Fuss over him a little more so that he will want to come to school the next day.”
She seemed scared, “But he is fine in class.”
I try to calm her down; “Well children say a lot of things that is necessarily not true. So don’t worry, I am not blaming you. All I am saying is I want you to make him feel you like him a lot.”
The problem with these teachers is that being underpaid, they prefer to do the bare minimum. But the moment you raise an issue with them they are on the defensive worried about their jobs. Considering the Dubai market system, which is really client/customer, based than worker based, anyone can lose his or her jobs on the slightest complaint from the client. I did not want her to lose her job nor did I want my son to go through playschool hating it. Anyway I left it at that and waited for the next day.
The morning was as usual, “The teacher will scold me” and tears. At 1.00Pm I picked up a very different child. He was actually smiling after school. He was eager to tell me things that happened in the class and told me, “When I go to class tomorrow, I want Idli for lunch.”
“Did you finish today’s lunch?”
“Yes, and the teacher said I am a good boy.”
“Then I finished my coloring and she again said I am a good boy.”
Well, he couldn’t stop telling me about the day, which was something that had not happened before this term.
So the teacher had changed her methods and we were getting results fast. This morning has been the best in a very long time. He actually went to school smiling and happy and came back the same. I have to call up the teacher and thank her for her help, for making my morning’s stress free.

Messing in up

2006-10-26T09:51:00.000+04:00

Today morning we had heavy mist outside. The funny thing about mist is that we think of mist or fog as cold but here in Dubai it is actually warm and thick. One can barely see ones feet if you happen to look down. Dubai is turning pretty with all the Zinnias and marigold flowering on the road dividers and sides of the roads. Come winter, the place turns picturesque with all the flowers.

A few days back I was called for an interview for the post of secretary. I did not want to go, as I really am lousy as a secretary. I am better at making others work rather than working myself. Anyway I did not inform Joe about this. Later they called and postponed the interview to after Id holi9days. Then the day we had gone to KM Trading with Reji, he showed us their new office and it just happened to be the same building as the one they called me for interview.

“Which floor are you on?” I asked.

“The mezzanine floor.”

“Name of the company.”

“Snenor”

“OH My God!! I was called for an interview there. Then they called to postpone it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I wanted to ask you but forgot. Even Joe did not tell me.”

“I did not tell Joe, because they canceled.”

It seems Joe had given him my CV. And I do not know what hell would have broken out if it had all not been cleared up. I would not have told Joe, and when Reji asked him about it, he would have asked me and found out that I had not informed him in spite of knowing it for sometime and that would have been my end. Sometimes things like this happen, things that can mess up everything, then it clears up by itself with no help from us. Then things happen that no matter how much fixing we do, remains messed up forever.

Bad Parents

2006-10-25T17:48:00.000+04:00

Private offices are closed for two days for Id al Fittr; everyone makes plans for the long weekend. Usually the government manages to combine the holidays with the weekend so everyone ends up having a few extra days off. Okay, so on Sunday a friend of Joe’s invited us to lunch and another family, again Joe’s friends were also coming. They have a daughter who four years old and a one year old son. This girl has not put into playschool yet, because her father does not want to spend the money (Her mother told me this). She spends her time holed up in a two-bedroom house they share with another family. All this alone time with no contact with other children has turned her very aggressive and bullying towards other children. All parents with small children have a hard time when we know that this family is also joining us for our get to togethers.

So we all show up this friend’s place for lunch and they have a son who is 7 or 8 and also has a broken arm. This little girl, lets call her Deepa, immediately goes off to hang from the broken arm like a pendulum. The boy starts screaming and all of us go and see what the noise is all about and sort everything out and go back to talking, leaving the children to play by themselves. Then Thom runs out crying, saying Deepa chechi is hitting me with the plastic hoe. He refuses to go back and join the other children so we move into the children’s room to keep an eye on them. Deepa starts going berserk, throwing things and opening the cupboards and taking out books, writing on them. The owner of these things, the 8-year-old boy (Kush), tries to take everything back and she refuses, starts hitting and spitting. We all sit there helpless; after all she is a child. But what about the mother? She sat there smiling, through the entire mess her daughter created, occasionally saying she doesn’t know any better. She will change only after she starts school.

Children are not born bad, they are made bad by parents who refuse to reign in their precious ones. What will happen when she starts school next year can only be imagined? If she meets a child more aggressive and violent than herself, she will be shown her place otherwise she will turn into bully no:1 bullying other children. I am glad Thom is not going to the same school as her but I fear what if there are others like her out there. Children of bad parents.

Weekends, Visitors and Hang overs

2006-10-23T11:00:00.000+04:00

“Are they coming?”

Joe wanted to know. It was Friday and he wanted to go out to his friend’s house and get drunk. Come weekend I get to see my hubby only late in the night, fully drunk, and now in spite of Ramadan curfew, they had a place to hang out – Reji’s wife was in India and they had the house to themselves.

“They said they would call. Anyway they have to attend the church in the morning and then Sunday school for the kids. Then lunch.”

“Okay call me when they call.”

He is off and it is only 9.30 in the morning. Thom is restless and angry. It is his only day with Appa and Appa has better plans than waste it with him. I feel sorry for him but am helpless. I used to try to make him understand how important it is for us to spend time together as a family. I don’t anymore. Every Thursday I make plans of taking Thom to the zoo or park, but Joe is too busy getting drunk to bother.

At around 1.00Pm he calls, “Have they called yet?”

“No.”

I can feel him smiling and thinking, ”Ah!!! Lucky me, I can drink some more.”

But he says, “ Now they will come only in the evening” His voice is all blurred from the alcohol. And I feel angry. I don’t want my old classmate to see him drunk and senseless.

At around 5.00 Pran calls, “ Hi, we just got up from our afternoon siesta and will be starting only in half an hour. Is Joe Achayan free?”

“Okay.”

I start cleaning the house, changing the cushion covers, sweeping and mopping and spraying air freshener all over the house. I light scented candles. The house looks spic and span. Then I call Joe, and tell him that they are coming.

“I am downstairs in the car park.”

I know he is lying, “We need water. Don’t forget to get water.”

He comes in at about 6.30. And looks around. “ Do you have anything to give them?”

“Yea, There is orange juice, Halwa, and Cashew nuts.”

“Okay.”

Then he goes to sleep. Another hour and a half later the phone rings. “Pran here. We are in front of Ansar mall. Tell me how to get to your place.”

I try to explain but am totally lost, then I call Joe and he says, “You tell them.”

I hold out the phone to him, “Please do it, I am totally confused and so are they.”

He reluctantly gets up and comes to the phone. He tells them something and puts the phone down.

“Grrrring.”

The phone rings again. He picks it up and gives further directions. They seem to have taken the wrong turn.

Joe wakes Thom, who is also sleeping and goes off to take a bath.

They call again and tell us they are below our building. Joe tells them he is coming down.

A few minutes later the doorbell rings and Thom the Spiderman and I open the door. I am seeing Pran after 20years and he is different. We used to all him “Soda Kuppi” because he was so thin that his cheeks were sunken like the soda bottles of those days- ones with the marble instead of a cap. His wife is very young and sweet and they have two beautiful kid. Thom hits it off with the kids and they are all soon playing having fun. We talk about old times, about the reunion and not being able to attend it. He talks about his work. We look at old school photos and soon it is time for them to leave. We take some photos to send to our other classmates.

Thom decides he wants to with them and starts crying. He says, “I want to go to Maria chechi’s house.”

“Who is Maria chechi?”

“The chechi who came now said they are going to Maria chechi’s house to eat fruits.”

“I will give you fruits here.”

“No, I want to eat fruits in Maria chechi’s house.”

No amount reasoning would calm him. He went to bed very upset about the fruits in the unknown Maria chechi’s house.

Mood swings

2006-10-22T10:06:00.000+04:00

I am on one of my mood swing days. I have this on an average of 4 days a month. These mood swings are like pendulum, swing to the highest point, then to lowest. I go from days of “I have a wonderful life. I am just lucky to have all these wonderful chances which given my family’s financial background, I would never have had. These chances to make sure that everyone in my family had the chance to get out of the maddening cycle of poverty.” Then the good happy feeling goes dies down and is replaced with, “My life is hell. No one likes me. I might as well be dead.” It goes from a sort of Songs of Solomon to Ecclesiastes. Happy satisfied to what is the use, it has all been planned by him and we are just puppets in his hands.

The negative feeling s are worst when I hear of some friend or other acquaintance getting a good job, with good salary, excellent timings, everything great. Exactly the kind of job that I was looking for. I land all these beastly jobs with low salary and everyone else seems to be getting good ones. Or it is sometimes triggered by the incessant nagging and fault finding that Joe subjects me to.

It is some times as silly as

“What is the side dish with chapatti?”

“Chicken curry.”

“Does the curry have gravy?”

“Yes, a little.”

“Damn, why is it that your curries have no gravy? How can one eat chapatti without gravy?”

Or sometimes it is

“The house is never clean.”

I look around and see nothing wrong. I have just finished cleaning and there are few toys scattered around by Thom and he happens to be playing with them.

“I don’t know when you will learn. The house has to be clean all the time.”

I am silent.

“Neither you nor anyone in your family is clean. I have never seen an untidier family.”

This goes on for sometime and then stops.

When the bad mood sets in I am in a death wish mode. I was watching an episode of The Monk on TV and there is this scene where a lady opens a parcels that had just come in and the whole thing blows up killing her. I find myself thinking that is how I would like to go, Suddenly, without any pain.

Thekke-vadakke

2006-10-20T14:21:00.000+04:00

“I hate these stupid things you cook up. If you are making these for me, please don’t. Make beans thoran and I am happy.”

I seethe inside and think of the times I have made beans thoran, a dish that I personally hate and he eats a spoon of it and I end up with having to finish it rather than waste the whole thing.

Our tastes vary vastly in everything from food to personality, to clothes to the way we deal with people. If it hadn’t been for the arranged marriage system we have, we wouldn’t even have got married. And marriage in the Syrian Christian means stuck for life. We come from the same community of Syrian Christian but actually from two different cultures-the thekke and vadakke namely the north and south of Kerala. The people in the north prefer not to marry those from the south because the southerners are considered bossy, money oriented, miserly and basically everything bad. So we actually have a saying when looking for eligible boys and girls, “Don’t look to the south of Ernakulam (Ernakulathinne thekke nokenda)”

It is really not a problem because the southerners themselves prefer to marry among themselves. The problem is when a lone northerner like me ends up among all these southies, they are all interrelated, and I am the outsider. I am never good at anything, never good enough. The way I do things is wrong and my people are not good enough. The way I cook is wrong, the way I dress is absolutely wrong, talking and smiling and all else is just well wrong wrong wrong. I am all together wrong. All the achayans, ammachis, appachans and chachi peechi koochis get along well. Okay that is enough bile for a day.

As usual I ignore his comment and get on with it.
“We have an ifftar party in the office today.”
“Hmmm”
“We will go out after that to KM trading.”
“Why KM trading?”
“There is sale there and Zyriac and Reji wants to go.”
“Lulu also has a sale, why not go there?”
“Zyriac says KM Trading has better stuff.”
“Nonsense I prefer Lulu.”

Later at KM Trading Thom comes upon the Spiderman costume and picks it up and takes it to Appa. He is excited and wants to wear it.
“Wait till we pay for it.”
We pay the bills and Thom insists on carrying the purchase. It is heavy and he is dragging. I offer to carry it for him.
“But keep it with you, don’t put it in the boot of the car.”
“Can we go home now please, I want to try on the Spiderman dress.”?
At home he changes into Spiderman and tries to send out webs, then starts complaining,
”Why is no web coming out of my hands?”
I give him some explanation, he is not convinced.
The phone rings and it is my classmate Pran, ”We are coming to Dubai tomorrow, is it okay if we come to your house.”
“Of course, Please come. It will be great to see you after 20 years.”
“Would it be okay with your husband?”
“Sure.”
We are both stuck in UAE and won’t be able to attend the reunion party being planned for December and we are really upset about it. After 20 years all of us would love to go back and see how the others have done in life. See the children of old friends.
“Are you checking the mail,” I ask him. “They managed to contact Sree teacher.”
“ I haven’t checked the mail for sometime now. Well, Sree teacher and Thanku teacher were my backbone. They made me what I am today. They guided me in deciding on a professional career.”
Well, lucky you, I think. I really never had a good personal relation with any of the teachers. I was the only girl in the boarding in my class but even that did not help in forming a close relation. Besides the professional career he was talking about was more money related than guidance related. His father was rich and able to pay the capitation fee for professional course. All the guidance would have been useless without money.

Joe is still out with friends and will be back late. Thom and I retire to bed happy that next five days there is no school to worry about. The Id holidays are here.

Stereotypes

2006-10-19T11:29:00.000+04:00

“Change the channel, I want to watch Cartoon network.”

“Sorry, we don’t get cartoon network anymore. Watch ejunior.”

“No, I like Cartoon Network.”

“But you are picking up bad words from Cartoon Network.”

“I want Cartoon Network.”

“Check out this channel.” I change to Fun channel another kid’s channel.

“No, give me cartoon network.”

“Maybe this channel”, I change to MBC 3.

“I want Cartoon Network.”

I end up giving in and return to cooking lunch.

“Stupid.”

“See you are using bad words, which is why I don’t like you watching cartoon network.”

“It wasn’t me; it was the old man in the cartoon. He was calling his dog stupid dog.”

“Okay but don’t say stupid again.”

“Is lunch ready?”

“Yes in a moment.”

“Is lunch ready?”

Soon lunch is over and Joe is back from office. We prepare for our afternoon siesta.

I don’t want to sleep. I am watching TV.”

No, You haven’t had enough sleep in the last few days, so switch off the TV and come to bed.”

No, I don’t want to sleep.”

I go over, switch off the TV and pick him up and carry him to the bed.

“I don’t like amma.”

“But you are my darling jeevanette jeevan.”

He smiles. Then I tell him that I am going to climb on top off Appa.

“Help, Help Amma is climbing on top of me, Help help.”

“Dishuum, Dishuum. I am sending the spider man’s web to stop her.”

Soon we have an action hero on the bed fighting off evil amma from crushing poor Appa. A few well-placed punches and amma is thrown off Appa. Then a few tins of spinach in true Popeye style and he has recouped his strength to take on the world’s evil.

The actions over we lie quietly for sometime. He watches my face closely and says, “ You are growing a beard, and you are becoming uncle.”

I am pleased that he has started to tell the difference between male and female, though in this case it was more a reference to unwanted female facial hair.

I fall asleep and they play some more before getting up to watch TV. Then Thom comes and tells me, “Amma make tea for Appa.”

“Ask Appa to make tea for me .”

He looks surprised, “ But you are tea making person and Appa is the TV watching person.”

How well we end up training even three year old to think stereotypically!!!!

Tea and some snacks over, I get a call from Binnu saying they are coming to visit and they stay till 10.00, so we into another late night. This week has been one of late bed times for Thom. Next week we will make for the lost sleep during Id holidays.

Time tables

2006-10-18T10:56:00.000+04:00

“Time for Amma’s darling to get up” I call out.
“Get up for what?”
“To go to school.”
“ I don’t want to go to school, I hate school. The teacher scolds me.”
“No, the teacher won’t scold you, she likes you very much.”
“No she hates me.”
“Okay , enough of this nonsense, get up at once or I will send you to school in your night dress.”
This is our early morning routine. We go back and forth like this till I lose patience.
“ I want to sleep.”
“See what happens when you don’t go to bed early.” He is cranky from lack of sleep. His eyes are burly and bed shot.

A ghee roast later, he is ready for bath. “The water is too hot.”
I mix in more cold water, “ Is this okay.”
“I hate school, the teacher hates me.”
I ignore that.
“I have an armpit ache”
Wow!! That is a new one.
Soon he is getting ready for school. More tears and then “ I hate you”.
I feel sorry for him he really is sleepy.
Waiting for the bus I show him other children going to school. He looks at the buses and tells me, “ They are not going to school they are coming back home.” I make no comments.
Soon he is in his bus, off to school.

Back home, Joe has a worried look on his face, “His teacher called. She wanted to know if he was an only child.”
“Didn’t you ask her why she wanted to know?”
“No, I just said yes.”
“Do you think he has learning disability or something? Maybe she feels we are spoiling him too much.”

“Are you going to the office today? How is your tummy?”

“Not decided yet. Make me dosas and then we will see.”

Seated in front of the dosas, he looks at the sambhar and asks, “ Where is the chutney?”

“There was no grated coconut, so I did not make chutney.”

“I hate dosas without chutney, that is the primary side dish, sambhar is secondary.”

He has everything done to a fine equation. Even the sambhar and chutneys.

I say nothing, though I feel like pouring the sambhar over his head and watch his shock and surprise at my reaction. I just wish he would finish his breakfast and leave. But then the tummy acts up and going to office is delayed further.

Sometime later he goes off and I am alone in my castle. I park myself in front of the computer and soon am king of the world surfing the web at will. I soon reach my latest passion the www.wikimapia.org site. It is the satellite image of the world and 200ft zoom I see my home in Kerala, Amma’s tharavad, Joe’s house, our school. I am happy.

A look at the clock and it is 12.30. I am late for everything, the lunch isn’t ready. So I rush around, manage to get everything done and then go downstairs to collect Thom. Joe joins me and then goes back home with Thom and me. Then he says he does not want lunch only buttermilk blended with chili and ginger. The fish is being deep-fried.

“Is the fish done?”

No, in a moment. Let me finish making buttermilk for Appa and will give you lunch.”

"Okay”

Then immediately, “Is the fish ready?”

He is hungry. I check his lunch box. There is one idli left over.

"Why did you not finish your idli?”

“The teacher closed the lunch box before I could finish.”

“That is because you took too much time finishing the first idli.”

After lunch, we try to get some sleep. But at 3.30 PM we are still awake.

Joe goes off to his office and I bathe and feed Thom early. Joe comes home and has his chapattis at 7.30Pm. We are all ready for an early bedtime today. 8.00 Pm and we are in bed, hoping to make up for lost sleep.

8.30Pm someone rings the doorbell. “Must be Reji.” Joe says.
He opens the door and it is indeed Reji.
“Its Reji uncle.” And he is off running.

At 9.00Pm he is gone and we are back in bed.

The bell rings again, “Who is it now?”
It is Sivan and we sit around talking some more.
Then he leaves and it is 9.30Pm and then I decide to take bath and then go to bed instead of waiting for Thom to sleep. I am finished at 10.00Pm one and half-hours after the hoped for bedtime and Thom is still playing, with sleep being the furthest thing in his mind. I get into bed and ignore all of them and go to sleep. When I wake up later I hear the blessed light snoring or the father and son and settle back for a peaceful night’s sleep.

Upset tummy and Earaches

2006-10-17T11:19:00.000+04:00

I heard the toilet being flushed then the call, “Koche, get dressed, let’s go see the doctor.” The night had been terrible, and upset stomach and a severe earache combined with high temperature. “Call the hospital and find out if the doctor is coming in today.”

“Sure, the doctor is coming, why would she not come in today.”

But I call anyway,” The doctor is on leave today, but you can see one of the other doctor’s on duty today.”

Great!! We have seen three different doctors in as many days.

“Doesn’t matter, we need to see the ENT specialist.”

I hear him call the office and tell them to inform Jal the driver to get the car ready to go to the hospital and in a few minutes we are near in the car park and Jal is nowhere to be found. We wait and I can see Jo lose patience slowly and get angrier each minute he has to wait.

“I will go and get him”, I offer.

“No.”

We wait some more. Then I say, ” I will go and see what is keeping him.”

He says nothing. He is in real pain.

I run toward the office and keep looking back at Jo to make sure he is still holding up. I am at the door of the office and Jal opens the door and comes out saying, ” Sorry Chechi, there was a Sri Lankan customer very angry at something.”

There wasn’t much of traffic and we are in the hospital in a few minutes. The receptionist is friend and she sees the file and says three different doctors and smiles, ” The procedure is for you to see a GP and then be referred to a ENT doctor, but we will take you straight to the ENT.”

There is big huge queue for the ENT and we wait and wait, I finish an entire magazine and then sit somemore before we are called in.

Jo narrates his disease history and he really takes a long time doing it, inspite of all my attempts to cut in and shorten it. Then its over and the doctor can finally examine him. He pokes and pulls, uses the tuning fork.
Then goes, ” There is no infection in your ears. They are perfect. I can find no reason for the earache. I am sending you to the physician for an overall checkup. It may be related to your nerves.”

Then we are at the physicians. He gets the entire story and tummy upset and earache, sleepless nights etc etc. Then he does his share of checking and he says, ” I am changing the medicines prescribed, you had been prescribed medicine for throat infection no Gastro infection. No medicines to stop the bowel movements, but let us cure the infection and it will automatically stop. Your ear, it cannot be the nerves because it wouldn’t have stopped by taking a paracetamol if nerves were causing it. It has to be something else but I cannot find it.”

At the pharmacy they offer to take back the previous antibiotic and replace it with the new ones and we tell them we will Jal with the old medicine. Back at home, I cook and clean and wipe and he lies on the bed uncomfortable. All the time I am thinking of how I have never been in a hospital all my life, have never had a real illness but I have this feeling that I will one day suddenly drop dead before all the others.

One O’clock time to pick up Thom when his school bus drops him off. So off I go and get him, He had been upset in the morning about going to school but now is cheerful. Back at home lunch over, he sits in front of the TV watching Cartoons. Jo has a light lunch and goes to sleep.

Santosh comes for a visit and I tell him I want a DVD writer to be installed and he makes arrangements for it. He is going to Kerala for the Id holidays- 10 days. So I tell him amma asked for a tin of Nido milk powder.

Soon it is time for Thom’s bed time routine he is given dinner and put in bath tub for bath and the guests start coming to see Jo. They all stay late and Thom is up way past him bed time and I am angry. I know I will have a very cranky child in the morning tomorrow.

Growing up

2006-10-10T10:10:00.000+04:00

After a lot of talk about Reunions and partying everything has stopped there is a sudden silence over the net. Emails have stopped coming and no one seems to want to break the ice. The problem is everyone is scattered around the world and there is no way all of us will b able to make it to the reunion together some of us will be left out and we have not been able to reach a consensus on that. Everyone wants to be there and everyone wants the reunion to b planned at his or her convenience. Something will work out in the end. Someone will break the ice and then we will all start mailing again and al will be back to normal.

It is easy to talk to them now but when we were all in the same class we had this rule strictly enforced by the school and teachers, about the sexes not mingling and becoming friends. So the girls were scared to even look at the boys and boys pretended that we did not exist. Add to that the infatuations and crushes of teenage, everyone was shy. The rules ensured that we didn’t mess up our good formative years, unlike these days when children from good Indian families think that casual sex is okay, getting an abortion is totally a guilt free and common place activity.

Recent newspaper reports show that abortion rate has gone up by 50% in Bangalore among the young call center crowd. Employees go to their work places with condoms in their bags. I remember the first time I saw a condom was when I was 30 years old. Maybe I matured late.

Love and Hate

2006-10-01T09:56:00.000+04:00

Love is strange, when the person is no more we realize how much he meant. I sometimes feel the same with J. I find it so difficult to feel love towards him. He always makes me feel like a schoolgirl always under the scrutiny of strict teachers, always being judges and found guilty of some unimaginable crime that is visible to them but invisible to me. I really wish he weren’t like that. A little more understanding would work miracles in our life. Now every act is clouded by fear of what he will think, how he will react. So most of the time I end up doing nothing, taking no decisions and then getting judged for that. He frightens me with his temper which flares up for reason that I have no control over. Yet he is not a bad man. He takes care of everything, me, our son. Everything is paid for, all bills always clear, our futures secured and sometimes during sex he even says he loves me but that is it. There is nothing after that. He does not look at me and talk to me loving. There are no smiles or kisses, all that is only during sex. I end up feeling that my purpose in life is to provide sex and as an outlet for his anger.

Maybe it is a case of breeding. A father, who provided for the family but did not love them, brought him up. He did his duty as prescribed by the society but failed to provide the emotional support that nurtures. Scared of the father the mother too remained too distant. Unloved in childhood, he did not learn to love. It is his tragedy but now it is mine too. Maybe if he had a chance to get to know my family he would see what real love feels like, but he like his family is too stubborn. They believe they are the best, and have nothing to learn from others but a lot to teach the world.

Words and Songs

2006-09-27T09:07:00.000+04:00

Start of another cold and fever. He has a runny nose and sore throat. And next week he is starting school. T has grown taller and talks a lot these days. He is as fluent as an adult and is picking up English fast; I wish knew more languages to teach him. He is also singing a lot. Any song he hears once he makes his own.

Appappa

2006-09-24T09:55:00.000+04:00

The fees has gone up by 25% and has now reached AED 950 /- per month. This for a 3 year old spending 3 hours in a play class.

He still talks about appappa, talks about the funeral, about being buried. He stills dreams of it all. He has spent very little time with his grandfather, no more than 2 weeks each year we go on vacation. May be a total of 2 months in all, but he loved appappa in his own way. Earlier this year when he stayed at home, he used to spend all his time with appappa, eating what appappa ate, drinking what he drank. They had bonded well. He even coughed when appappa did. He once told me that it is good that his other grandchildren have gone back, as it gave him a chance to get to know this one. He always said how soft spoken and gentle T was unlike the other two more vigorous and energetic grandsons. Once during a thunderstorm I found T near appappa’s bed hugging him tightly saying he was scared of thunder. It was a beautiful sight.

Infections and Fevers

2006-08-08T09:27:00.000+04:00

He has the beginning of a sore throat. It has been regular now after starting school. He catches an infection and then after a course of anti biotic he is fit and ready to go and a week later he is infected again. The problem is that these infections are so bad that it just wears him out. Watching him struggle kills me. We may go off home next week. The weather is colder and better there now so it might do him good.

Here it is unimaginably hot outside and then the moment you step it, it is cool and nice, but I think that takes a toll on people, these sudden shifts in temperatures. I don’t switch on the AC at all these days, but it is much cooler inside besides in the bus and at school he is exposed to these sudden shifts so there is very little I can do about it. There is only so much you can do to protect them from the elements.

The war goes on and the terrible and unnecessary deaths continue unabated. Every one wants it to end but each one has a list of conditions, so no one is able to reach any common point. After a certain point the deaths become a statistic and ego takes over. People end up arguing, “ You started it.” “ No, you did.” And no solution is reached. Talk to the Arabs and they have their arguments, historical and otherwise. Talk to others and they have theirs. I wonder what the victims, especially the dead ones think about the whole mess. Would they have thought it was worth dying for?

Animated Dreams

2006-08-07T09:19:00.000+04:00

Watching the children’s cartoon channel with my son has ended up in me having these cartoon dreams. These cartoon characters mix up with the other sitcom characters and my dreams are becoming weirder and weirder every night. Though, the animated people are more fun than some of the sitcoms telecast.

2006-08-03T18:27:00.000+04:00

Waiting for Emirates gas

In the middle of cooking lunch, the cylinder runs out of cooking gas and I call our usual gas guy and his mobile is switched off. I call another number and someone answers saying he will there in 30 minutes. After 30 minutes I call again and he sounds surprised, surprised like “Are you still waiting for me, why haven’t you called someone else till now?” He says, “ okay, will be there in fifteen minutes” and I wait some more and then I call another gas agency. They say they will be there in fifteen minutes and I wait angry and ready to scream. Then ten minutes later the first guy shows up and I end up having to cancel the second guy. It took nearly an hour for the cylinder to be replaced, never happened before in Dubai. Usually our regular guy takes no more than five minutes for the gas cylinder to be replaced. He is on vacation now; hope he will be back soon.

It is really no big deal, but when there is little three year old at home, cooking and feeding is constant. He goes out, plays and comes back ready for a hug and some thing to fill the tummy and with no cooking gas I had a hard time keeping him calm, especially today, when he refused to have anything other than fried chicken and rice. The rice was ready but the chicken was not. Luckily the gas arrived before he had his tantrums.

2006-08-02T09:36:00.000+04:00

Weekday mornings

Every morning there is screaming and crying, prelude to the breakfast, bath and dressing to be in time for school. All because he hates to go to sleep at night. Often when I wake up in the night after a good sleep, he is still awake staring at the ceiling and counting the fluorescent stars stuck there. He is all of three and trying to be a man. Hubby is no help. He adds his own screams to the din and I end up contemplating bungee jumping out of the window to escape the noise.

The DSS (Dubai Summer Surprises) is on and we have not taken him to see any of it. He is too young to know what he is missing. Yesterday father and son had gone out at 9.00 in the night to get burgers and caught the end of an Egyptian dance at the nearby mall. He said the place was crowded and seemed fun. Maybe I will take him out today and see what is on today.

2006-07-30T09:45:00.000+04:00

July 30, 2006

An opinion

A Thomas Friedman article on the current Middle East crisis received strong reaction from readers. He said that Arab governments instead of concentrating on building more schools, roads and infrastructure for their country, spend more time on thinking up ways to provoke Israel. That, it was not building up the country that mattered as much as, how many Jews you have killed.
Well a bit too strong but a valid point some might say. It really is difficult to find much logic in Hezbollah’s decision to kidnap Israeli soldiers when there was no provocation at all from their side.

The papers are filled with pictures of children and babies wounded and dead. Horrifying pictures of angels caught in the crossfire. Their parents still voice support for Hezbollah. Maybe the education system is to blame. When you are taught that Israel is the enemy that has to be wiped out from the face of the earth it becomes ingrained in them, becomes a part of their being.

Everyday there are articles by Arab or Muslim writers about the injustice of the creation of Israel. Of how they were planning to create a country in South America where they were unwelcome etc but ended up in Palestine with the help of the colonial powers. The problem is that they don’t seem to move on from there. Each time there is a crisis these things are repeated. They haven’t learned there are injustices in the world and sometimes one just has to make peace with it and get on with life. It would be much like Native Indians carrying terrorist attacks against American soldiers for settling in America or the aborigines against the Australians or even he Dravidians in India against the Aryans. Some things just have to be accepted. There really is no way Israeli’s are going to leave, so the Arabs might just as well accept it and get on with their lives.

2006-07-29T11:23:00.000+04:00

July 29, 2006

Reunions

It has been a fortnight of reunions. I was making a family tree on the site GeneBase and during the research into family names came across a site that claimed to have millions of names in its database. When I tried to get the names they wanted me to enter info about the secondary School I graduated from. There I found the name and address of an old classmate. My cousin and half the class used to have a crush on him. Well I saw it and promptly forgot all about it. Then I received a mail from this classmate and soon we were exchanging notes on all the others and I was suddenly in contact with a lot of them. Some of them actually in the same town as me. Soon we were emailing photos, catching up on news about old teachers and telling each other about our spouses and kids. Right now I receive at least one email from one of them every day and we have a lot of catching up to do. It is fun now. Though I wonder if any of us will have the energy to keep up the tempo.

It is nice to be in touch with them without all the old competitiveness and crushes and feelings and jealousies. Just plain friends. But maybe the old feelings never go away and all we really want to know is how the others have done. To see if any of us has done better than the others. The pettiness really never goes away.